Didn't want that for 45 years

[snowymum]

I've just left my husband of 7 years. We have a gorgeous DS. He was mildly emotionally abusive, and had developed a modest but persistent drink problem. I never liked to introduce him to people as he could often be boorish in company especially when drunk. But I got on well enough with him; he was mainly kind to me and whilst things got very awful towards the end, he did love me and do nice things for me, and tried to give me a happy life, and if I'd have done the Relate thing I suspect we would have found some sort of way through.

So I just wanted to share that, despite there being no big trauma like so many upsetting threads I read on here, I am so proud of myself for making a decision to get out and find something better. Because we're talking about 45 years of not-quite-good-enough. The rest of my life to patch things over and muddle through. The whole rest of my life! Until I'm dead! It's just been such a huge realisation that you only get one chance, and 'OK' just isn't good enough. There is love and happiness and freedom and fun and experiences and living to be done, and I was in danger of missing out on it all because my marriage closed me down.

And again, even though things weren't totally hideously awful - no hitting, no infidelity - they weren't good enough. I have been so happy in the few weeks since leaving - and my son is happier than I've ever seen him, too. I've avoided giving him an upbringing in a loveless marriage with all the atmosphere, resentment and shouting that brings.

So I just wanted to post this to people who lurk like me who might think that their situation isn't dramatic enough to leave. It doesn't have to be dramatic. I don't think mediocre is good enough for the whole of the rest of your life.

[tizzywotnot]

Thank you

Now, you don't fancy pootling over to my thread do you?

[snowymum]

Duh - I should have read your thread and posted over there! Funny synchronicity.

[cheerfulvicky]

Well said! The rest of your life is a LONG time. That was also what swung it for me, in the end. I'm so glad I left my ex as well

[TheFutureMrsClooney]

Speaking as someone who's taken 27 years to realise the same thing, well done!

I read somewhere recently that time only goes in one direction - how true.

Enjoy your life!