in a mess

[dost]

ok ocassional poster here and have name changed
long story so here goes
15 years ago had boyfriend of a year (wasnt serious as he was in navy and away a lot of the time), met another guy, became very serious very fast, decided to end it with boyfriend, got fonecall from boyfriends bruv (whom id never met) who needed to speak to me, my boyfriend had cancer, couldnt walk away so ended it with other chap. 3 years of fighting cancer and got the all clear we "in the euphoric moment" decided to get married, i had a few doubts beforehand, foned other chap and little person answered fone and i hung up thinkng he has another life now. fast forward another 5 years, we are desperately trying for a child due to husbands cancer, had tried IUI and IVF, everyone i know and love is pregnant, feeling very despondent, meet this other man in pub one night and we embark on very passionate affair, again decided to leave and find out im pregnant. knew it was not my husbands as dates didnt fit, lied to other chap and told him i was 4 weeks earlier than i was, i knew he wanted me to leave and be with him, dont know why i didnt as loved him passionately, couldnt do that to my husband after everything he had been thru and the desperate attempts to have a child. had my beautiful daughter who is now 8 years old, i love her more than anything, husband works away, i c him every 2nd month for 2 weeks, i love him but i am not in love, dont think i ever was, met up again 3 wks ago with other guy, he moved over my neck of the woods 6 years ago and always wondered if id bump into him, we spent night together, not doing anything, just cuddling and talking, had lunch together and he appeared on my doorstep last night, wanted to talk, basically he wants to stop all contact, we r 42 years old now and cant jump in and out of each others lives for another 15 years, not healthy and will end in heartbreak, most likely for an innocent child. i know he is right and it needs to end but i feel like shit, my husband does not deserve this, hes a good and decent man, i have no right to shed tears over what i have done but i have broke my heart today. at least finally he has found strength to do the right thing, dont know if i ever would have.
not looking for sympathy, just wanted to vent a bit i suppose and to tell anyone else thinking of an affair to not do it, no-one comes out the other end the same

[beingsetup]

Are you staying with your husband out of pity? Doesn't he deserve better than that? Alot of women like rescuing victims, but at some point it has to stop.

If you don't love him and love the other man go for it! He is the father of you child. I know I'm going to get flamed for this and others will tell you sort out your relationship with your husband first. But you got together with him out of pity, you stayed with him out of pity, and now you have a chance to be with someone you love.

The answer seems clear to me.....