Torn, whats the right thing to do

[belleshell]

At the weekend i told my Hubby, that i didnt want to live with him anymore. there are many reasons but for the past 12 months he as changed, he never talks, i can sit night after night with not 1 word, i have asked if he is ok, suggested he may be depressed, or that he need to stop brininging work home, worrying etc. i was diagnoised last year with ME, and he told me he couldnt cope with it, that made me feel even worse, i have had to try hide my symptoms, i have gone back to work(reduced hours) my only way of coping is that at weekends he does more with the kids. he isa a good man, good dad, but i dont love him anymore , he as pushed me away.

my problem is this. my family live 100 miles away.his family and friends all live near by, i have got no where to go other than home. but i dont want to take the kids away from him. i thought by staying here and finding s flat to move into would be the right thing to do , but in the mean time i asked if he could go stay with family and give me space. he went, i have been bombarded by texts, he rings and last night he came back said its his home.i get that but the only place i can go is 100 miles away (which is actually the very place i really wnat to be!!)

please does anyone have any advice. i want to go home, but i thought i was been fair by staying.....i am so torn and so unhappy

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Have you actually said to him, either you move out or I do, and if I do I'm going to move back to Hometown 100 miles away with the kids?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Would go home and take the children with you. Your H is not your responsibility ultimately.

Staying in such an unhappy relationship for the children is rarely if ever a good idea.

Better to be apart and happier rather than be together and miserable. It teaches the children damaging relationship behaviours; they are learning about relationships from both of you here. It will not help them at all to see a warzone of a relationship between their parents.

Many women in such situations often write that their man is a "good dad" and this is also because they themselves have nothing positive to write about their spouse.
He is patently NOT a good Dad at all if he can treat their mother in such a terrible and cavalier manner.

[Anniegetyourgun]

He's not a good man either, if his reaction to YOUR illness is to say HE can't cope with it, and push you away. He isn't the one who's ill ffs. In sickness and in health and all that.

[belleshell]

i did ask him to move out until i find somewhere to live, he went for one night and came home last night at 10.30 saying its his house, i have chose this not him, he as done nothing wrong.
with regards to the ME i have had that since my diagnosis i have changed. i feel guitly for been ill so push my self and consequently end up spending periods over the weekend asleep, he sorts the kids, today he said he spends more time with the kids than me, and he as supported me cos he has looked after the kids.... i really cant help "crashing" and my last real relapse was this time last year, however i have never fully recovered. i just need my own space, i know in my head to stay here for a few months is the best thing to do but i am alone indoing this and that scares me.