Inappropriate ex girlfriend?

[flooziesusie]

Okay, not sure if I should be posting here or AIBU ? trying here first?

Saturday DH?s birthday drinks, ex girlfriend invites herself (she?s visiting from overseas for a while). Not too much of a problem, she is friends with all his friends and has been for years. She wants to meet me and the kids etc. She arrives, all okay chatting - nice. Anyway she?d made him a card for his birthday? quite an elaborate card, which included pictures of them on holiday together. And DH with her parents at a party? and some other ones.

She also spent most of the evening reminiscing about their time together, how she must of done the ?ground work? because of how he is with me and telling me how nervous she was at meeting me because she was so horrible to him. Oh, and it?s nice that DH has met a ?nice girl?? At the time, I?d had a glass or two of vino, so I just laughed and thought it was okay, light hearted banter, you know ? but the next day it started to bother me.

DH says she?s a loon but to be honest I feel a bit violated and I?d like him to validate my feelings of ?yeah, she?s nice and all that ? but a hand made card with glitter and photo?s of you two together on holiday; isn?t that a bit odd and totally inappropriate???

Now, am I being totally weird for thinking this is a bit weird or is this weird?

[flooziesusie]

I'm not sure why there are so many ?? ruddy stupid computers!!!

I did go to school; honest.

[ladysybil]

he;s already validated it when he told you she was a loon.

[GypsyMoth]

a bit yes!! has he kept the card or will it be binned??

[thesunshinesbrightly]

what's he done with the pic's?

[msboogie]

yeah, she's a loon which he clearly acknowledges. Just continue to laugh it off - she could be a lot, lot worse....

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

Yes, I think making such a card is inappropriate, the bigging herself up for getting him into shape for you and calling a grown woman a "nice girl" are all subtle put-downs. The one thing she was honest about though was that meeting you made her a bit nervous. Now if she's telling the truth about that, then sometimes when we're nervous, we come out with entirely the wrong thing, as a way of filling the silence. And kick ourselves later.

And yes, if he's describing her as a loon, in a vaguely affectionate way, I don't think there's anything to worry about. Might be worth asking him though, how he'd have felt if an ex of yours did and said exactly the same things, including the card?

[potplant]

I wouldn't be that bothered about the comments but the homemade card is very weird.

Good job she lives abroad.

[Coolfonz]

Her behaviour basically says - I still like him, and i wish i hadn't been a loon, but i'm a loon so i'll just behave like one and make a crazy card.

[lamplighter]

Actually I can sort of see the other side of this - I am still good friends with an ex and have we a lot of friends and work in common.

He is great friend but was a crap boyfriend and we can laugh about that now. He now has new DP and they have moved in together but she practically sits on his face when I am there. I really am just a mate, no need to get territorial!

I don't want him back, there is nothing between us and I feel like tapping her on the shoulder and saying;

"Whoah there nelly, no need to handcuff him to your wrist - he is quite safe"

Relax around her and yes the card was inappropriate - I never talk about 'the past' with ex boyfriend in front of his DP, that would be beyond crass and hurtful.

[lazarusb]

The card is very wrong...clearly your DH is totally in love with you, I think she's insulting him by saying she got him into shape for you, surely he's not made of playdough?! She's nuts, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[somebodysfool]

An ex contacted my husband on facebook. I am not a jealous person luckily as she was younger than me Swedish and gorgeous. She talked about how special their times together were and about the love letters she had send and received which she still read frequently and how glad she was to have found him. It was pretty obvious she still held a flame although she was married with children.

He showed me them so I had no worries besides he married me and she lives in another country so not really a threat. However I am a little bit naughty so thought I would add her as a friend.

Her reaction was very odd and showed she obviously had issues. She sent him an email saying I see your wife has added me as a friend she is obviously a control freak so don't worry I will delete you from my friends list and never contact you again.

I think the moral is sometimes relationships were obviously more important to one half than the other. Also if man is going to cheat he is going to cheat be it with an ex or some one new. Guess the only way to stop that is give them a very good reason not to.

[Coolfonz]

bloody facebook!

[FabIsGettingFit]

Why do you feel violated?

[MrsJellicle]

I would take great pleasure in putting the card in the bin.

[sungirltan]

euw!! i would have issues about an ex of my dh doing that. to me it would say 'oooh look he was with me first :-P'

i reckon the mad exgf has some boundaries issues at the v least!!

[TheCrackFox]

I wouldn't feel violated but an adult making a glittery card is a bit bonkers.

[flooziesusie]

Thanks for all your replies. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't feeling odd for the hell of it. Violated might be a bit strong, but I just felt a bit like she's under my skin and I'd like to get it off...

I guess the only thing we have in common is him, and I really think she was letting her feelings of insecurity get the better of her mouth as you said WWIFN. The card will hang about unless DH bins it; it is his afterall. DH did say he's hate it if it was me that got the card, but it's not his fault if she's bonkers... it's not 'out' like the other cards are which is good enough for me!

We are bound to be bumping into each other over the coming months - I'll rise above (without sitting on his face or the use of handcuffs ) if it turns out she's actually a loony bitch rather than just a loon she wont get the better of me and I will just have to kill her.

I kind of wish my handmade moonpig card from the DD's got in there first though... GRRRR.

[foureleven]

I think he has validated it by calling her a loon. If he said there was nothing wrong with her behaviour I would probably hit him hard with something heavy but he has said he thinks she's mad so just move on I say...

There have been loads of posts on 'relationships' where this sort of thing has happened and th DP in question has met the ex behind the new wife/girlfriends back... I think as they were clearly both fine with you being there and he wanted to introduce his new life i.e. you and kids etc to this woman, you have nothing to worry about.

[foureleven]

Ahh I can just picture the little loon toddling off to hobbycraft to get all the glitter and ribbons and sitting in her lonely little house (probably with cats) lovingly making a card for him... what a freak!

[lamplighter]

Floozie

Sorry if I sounded a bit to the point but I was just trying to say in my inimitable way to relax around 'the loon'

My ex-boyfriend's Dp makes it very clear she is threatened by me and hangs onto his arm, kisses him, sits on his lap, strokes his hair and sucks his fingers.

It is rather like watching the cartoon Pepe Le Pue the skunk and the cat that gets white paint down its back. Him trying to extricate himself from the embrace and eat something while my DP and I sit and pretend we don't notice.

Can't you fix her up with someone for the next few weeks who will whisk her off somewhere romantic and remote?