how long till i try again?

[kimplus4]

ok separated from partner in early march and i have 4 kids with him. how long is deem ok before i stsrt dating again.... btw he is already in a relat with someone else.
i just feel ready to not try a new relationship but perhaps start dating and going out again for dinner etc, friendships that may leads to a relationship in a few years or so iykwim.
please let me know your thoughts.
k x

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

When you stop thinking about the twazzock and wishing you were still with him, then you are ready to find someone better.

[purpleduck]

Kim
I separated from my husband at about the same time - although he moved out at the end of April.

I feel that I will be ready when I choose a guy on their own merits - not because I am lonely or because they have qualities that my ex didn't. Also I don't want to be all broken for the next guy to fix - I want to have myself sorted.

Was it a sudden break up? For me, it was a year coming so I had some time to sort through some of my hurt and anger.
Although I am a bit impatient - I know I'm not ready.

[kimplus4]

it was coming since before christmas, we had our wedding planned for oct and it had to be cancelled co he didnt sort his divorce out properly and was still married to ex wife, then i found out that he had been unfaithful and i was due to have my youngest in nov. after christmas he told me he didnt love me anymore but i was not really shocked and kind of expected it. i just want to make friends with some guys and get some confidence in my own skin again. im not looking for a relationship or sex! i just would really like to be able to talk to guys without getting all shy and feeling like im fat/ugly/ not worthy etc.
i too dont want to date properly as i want to be fixed, i dont wnt to rebound. i want the next person im with to be right and not cos im in a bad place from leaving ex.
it will work out i suppose eventually.
thanks kimx

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

I think going out with friends and having some fun is where you need to aim for now.

[purpleduck]

I agree with belle (although what do i know? )

But, I don't see why you can't "practice" in the meantime. Maybe just start talking to guys with no expectations....?

Beats me tho - I feel different every day!

[kimplus4]

thanks guy. i think im gonna go out with the girls next month. justto the local pub for a drink and a laugh! should be fun.

[purpleduck]

Kim, I don't know about you - but I really hate that the last person I kissed was my ex. I don't hate HIM, - we are friendly - but I go through stages of wanting to kiss someone else - just to wipe the slate clean or something.

[kimplus4]

hahaha, i totally know what you mean, we nearly had bonus nite! ( where you sleep together one last time) well we were about to do it and i suddenly got a huge wake up call and was like WTF am i doing???? when i miss him, i have realised that i miss the company of someone else not him as a person!
i just wonna have some time for me and the kids not,,, really i wish he woud just piss off but we got the kids tying us together so i just gotta deal with that i guess!

[purpleduck]

oooh my ex keeps angling for the "bonus night". Not Happening!!!

[Anniegetyourgun]

XH offered "a proper seeing to, when this is all over, for old time's sake". I was in such a cheerful mood at the end being in sight that I was able to decline politely instead of throwing things. (The children were present when he said it, too. He never did have any idea of what is appropriate.) That was a couple of years ago. The last time he got any was I think April 2006, when I'd told him it was over but we were still sharing a bed for logistical reasons, so he sneaked a quick one from behind when he thought I was asleep. I thought I may as well enjoy it as it's going to be the last one ever (it wasn't bad, as that way round I couldn't see or smell him), and the following day gave him a week's notice to arrange to sleep elsewhere. Cheeky sod.

I haven't dated anyone since, and the longer it goes without doing so the less I can be bothered, but I have had a few nights out with the girls - and lunchtimes with the guys - which have been most pleasant and therapeutic. It's so nice not to have the third degree when one gets home. I tell the boys we had a glass of wine and a pizza and they believe me (if they're even listening). It's Planet Earth at last.

[beingsetup]

I'm in exactly the same situation he moved out a month ago but we really split up last year. I feel totally over him but not been on a date yet.

I'll be watching this thread.....

[partytime]

I will watch this with interest too.

I understand where you are all coming from, I would love to start dating again but haven't met anyone yet and I don't want to try internet dating (no particular reason, just me)

I have had a ONS with a friend of a friend, met him a couple of times over the last few months, in the company of others, but he is a lot younger than me and nothing will develop relationship wise.

It was great to know I was still attractive and desirable, it blew a few cobwebs away!!!

I suppose each of us deals with break ups differently but 8 months on I know I am ready to get out there again.

[maybees]

Hi 5 to Partytime x

[partytime]

Cheers Maybees x

Got a bit of a grin on my face, at last,

What about 'the friend with benefits' thing?

Anyone any experience of this?

[cheerfulvicky]

Another one watching with interest. Split up about three months ago and have just now moved out. I miss being with someone, but in a way its nice to savour the sensation of being single, the thought that the future is open and undecided. I do want another relationship at some point but only if it's right, and I know it's still too soon for me to be thinking about seeing anyone. I have lots of reflection and healing to do, might even get myself some counselling so I don't repeat old patterns .

Still, a quick shag would be nice I can't summon up the energy though!

[expatinscotland]

please spend some time on your own before dating again, not even as 'friendships that may leads to a relationship'.

try getting some hobbies and working on real friendships first, maybe getting some counselling to prevent going in cycles with men, etc.

it's really only when you're okay beign single that it's a good idea to date again.

[kimplus4]

im so tired i cant think of nything worse than sex right now.lol i feel like im ancient not in my early 20's. i repeated cycles men... alway with med i kind of knew deep down were reallybad for my menatal health. you know the type,, cocky, arragant, somooth talking, looking good in a tight white top and jeans....... ummm,,, bad!!
i have met a guy that i would like to be really good friends with. he goes to our local church and my house group. he is totally the opposite of the type of guy i would be friends with so im going against my insticts here and giving something new a try..... im no sex before marriage now anyway so no risk of that!
, its funny cos the more a guy is nice to me the less interested i usually am, unless its cheeky and only mildly insulting. now im gona make friends with single guys with no intention for anything more and maybe in like 20 years ill have a man again!!!!
this post is great ... ill be folowing intently,
yours hopefully unsearching

[kimplus4]

apologies for nottyping too great im breastffeding at mo.