Rational, sensible but straight talking advice needed

[YouSmellFunny]

Had a few to drink so please excuse any typos. Ill try to be brief. Basically last week I discovered DP had been messaging a "blast from the past" via facebook. Nothing incriminating about the messages BUT he has neglected to mention me to this girl, despite obvious provokation, i.e "so, where are you living now?" and described himself as divorced etc. Basically acted as if nothing ever happened after his marriage breakdown and not only that but he hid all these msgs from me and even went as far as to shut down the laptop and tell the girl he was ghaving internet probs when I walked in the roonm,.

So - big row, I threaten, he promises blah blah blah...#

Gist of it is trhat i say I do not mind him messaging said girl, but he needs to stop sneaking around and lying about it etc. He agrees and tells me he WILL keep messaging her, but will be more open etc.

Since then he has NOT been on facebook AT ALL. Tonight I said to him "are you not going to msg her back?" (as last msg was outling cancer trouble) and he said "yes, but not now"

So my question is, why - - - before I knew he was msging her every day, more than once a day --- as soon as I find out he can no longer be arsed to contact her??? Especially funny about going on facebook whilst I'm around?

He says Im being paranoid. Am I?

[scurryfunge]

Nope...not paranoid...he is still sneaking around then....get rid

[YouSmellFunny]

thanks, I knew it. Why the sudden relunctance to msg her? he seemed to manage fine before

[AnyFucker]

is this your second thread about this ?

why are you with this immature pillock ?

and more importantly, why do you think you should accept his ridiculously-blatant lies ?

[scurryfunge]

Sounds a little bit suspect....you know him best but it doesn't sound like open and honest behaviour

[colditz]

he's opened another account. Do a facebook search on him, look through the ones with his name and see if there are any with her as a friend

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

What was his explanation then, for failing to mention he was in a relationship? You had a row about it and the outcome is that he can still correspond with someone to whom he's pretending he's single?

Wow, he must have persuasive powers if he's managed to pull this one off.

And yes, I expect he's still lying to you and has moved on to other methods of contact, like his phone.

[YouSmellFunny]

Well he said he would mention me in his next msg, but of course his next msg never materialised. He's full of shite, I know and I'm a gullible, stupid cow for putting up with it

[AnyFucker]

so are you going to continue putting up with it ?

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

Don't be too hard on yourself YSF. You trusted, that's all. He broke that trust. Don't be afraid to set your boundaries and pretend that you're cool with something that makes you uncomfortable.

BTW, this is the second thread in recent months about an old flame giving a cancer sob story. Maybe it's true this time, but it's one of the oldest tricks in an OW's book to play the victim/damsel in distress card.

[mophead5]

When you say he has been sending her messages on Facebook...what do these messages say exactly?

[YouSmellFunny]

its not what they say, ita the way he behaved iyswim? He was going on about seeing icehockey games together with her, saying he was upset when he found out she was ill (fair enough) but then he told me he'd never msg'd her privately and then shut the laptop down mid-convo and told her in connection went down cos I walked in the room!!! You dont act like thatif you're innoicent. I dont thionk anything was going on but I suspect he wanted it to ,... and it may have done if I hadn't found out

[mophead5]

I get the feeling I have read your posts about this before)
You are obvoiusly in turmoil about this...worst thing is you feel btrayed but have no real proof and your DH telling you you are paranoid is not helping.
Okay...what is happening is this: He has latched onto a girl from his past on FB (evil site, but whatever). He is reliving his relationship with her again, flirting, pretending he is single, etc...basically having his ego stroked.
You, on the other hand are going through hell imagining all sorts, trying to spy on his pc, phone etc (by the way, keyloggers are great for this stuff).
Stop beating yourself up right now...he is on an ego trip, that is all. Been there done that got the tshirt.
As soon as my DH put himself into my shoes regarding same situation, he could not be more sorry. He admitted that, in hindsight, what he thought had been innocent remarks could have been seen as something more.
Tell him he must NEVER contact this woman again...no matter how innocent it might all be...your peace of mind depends on it.
Also,get the keylogger installed.