done the right thing

[needtosortlife]

i have posted on here before. had a brief fling with an ex, had kept contact up until recently, he fed me lots of crap about loving me wanting me etc but think it was a bit of a game really. i have been so selfish puting family at risk etc, had no contact for a while, have blocked everyhting and deleted my fb. sooooooo, how do i start again. i do love my dh, taken me a while to see it, but i do. its sex, i just cant bare him near me :-(( we had an amazing sex life until a year ago. how can i get it all back. dont shout me down, knowone knows more that me how stupid i have been.

[munchkinland]

needtosortlife what was it that changed the sex a year ago? was it the affair?

[needtosortlife]

i supose it must be. we (me and dh) have had a bad year, the ex came along and i went into fantasy land. dh and me and talked and talked and we are both trying to change aspects of our life. (he does not no about om). without being to graphic lol, i am ok about him just doing it!! but he wants to make love, and take ages, thats what i cant stand, i hate it, and i want so much to not.
i will always have a thing for om, but its well and truly over, dh is who i want we love each other, and i want to sort this out. he has know idea how i feel, i have told him its all down to the change

[JazzieJeff]

aw OP, not going to flame you here think you've done enough of that yourself I really hope you can sort things out soon.

Is there anyway you could get away together for a week (I assume you have DC's?), albeit a bit expensive, but to try and reconnect? Maybe it needs just getting out of your normal surroundings. Because it is just so BLOODY HARD to carry on fancying someone sometimes, especially if the extent of your 'together time' involves conversations about British Gas/Sweb/BT/insert shitty utility company of your choice here, food shopping at Tesco or buying petrol. Sometimes, that really is the extent of couple time, isn't it?! Especially once DC's come along.

I'm not trying to make excuses for you OP, because I don't agree with affairs, but I do understand why they can happen. The important thing now is reconnecting with your DH.

Is there no chance of you telling him about the affair? You might have to think about the possibility that he might find out one day...

[needtosortlife]

jazzie i will never ever tell him of affair, would finish us and although there are times i would like it to all end, i refuse to give up that easily. he had a real moan the other night about lack of sex and everything, i suppose i am lucky he has put up with it this long. i dont know what to do, i cant stand him near me for that, kissing and hugging is fine but sex!!!!! om is still in my head but i have made my choice. i wish there was viagra for women lol

[Flighttattendant]

First of all, there's no compulsion for yout o enjoy or want sex with your husband.

Some people just don't, and perhaps being with your ex has put this into perspective for you. It might be some other aspect of the affair that has led to your not wanting sex, also - maybe the fact you have a secret and feel guilty? I dunno really.

It does worry me that you have said your marriage would be finished if DH knew about it - that's hardly fair on him to hide the truth then, is it? Especially if he has no idea why you have gone off sex with him.

Poor bloke...you're saying you won't give up etc but this isn't just about you, is it.

You're being really unfair I think - he has a right to know and make his own mind up if he feels it's worth staying together.

[AnyFucker]

what flight said, but I will go further

you sound selfish in the extreme

are we supposed to feel sorry for you that you no longer want to sleep with the husband you cuckolded ?

Of course you no longer fancy him...you made an absolute mug of him, and continue to do so by not telling him the truth about the true state of your relationship

and nobody fancies mugs, do they ?

the poor bastard...he has to contend with you going completely cold on him sexually and has no idea how to try and save this side of his marriage

if this was a bloke posting you would get an absolute hammering

now stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself and commit properly to your husband...or tell him the truth and give him the chance to deal with his own life in the way he sees fit

you have all the cards at the moment...but you are a very poor banker

[maltesers]

GEEEzzzzzz thats a bit harsh Anyfucker. . .Where the sisterly support now ????
She made a mistake. . right. . She is human . . .she wants friendly advice not a flame throwing session and vile criticism.
Marriage councelling would be helpful if you DP will go. . .Talking and more talking without arguing too.

[Flighttattendant]

actually I am edging towards AF's thinking...the OP is clearly not thinking of her H, at all, or what he might want. At least, it sounds that way.

[AnyFucker]

vile criticism ? I don't think so, Maltesers

I have plenty of sisterly (and brotherly) support for people who are trying to do the right thing and to put things right

this woman is just lying and lying, making her DH feel like shit by rejecting him sexually and he hasn't even got the weapons to try and fight for his marriage (because he doesn't even have a clue what he is fighting against...the sad bugger)

marriage counselling would be a complete waste of time, IMO, because there is no level playing field while she continues to deceive

[Flighttattendant]

yes how would counselling work? The first thing she would have to do would be to open up about what had actually happened.