What am i doing??

[LittleMissMadam]

Well were do i start... Im a hppily married woman to a great guy , we have 3 fab kids . Sounds good i know ... but im missing something , something for me ... Im missing passion , fun , being carefree and its been eating at me for ages. I dont want to risk my family life but I need something more , someone to be able to just have a laugh with someone .. maybe it will lead to more .. Do i want this ? yes am i prepared to risk everything I have for it? i dont know !! I did something silly today , i registerd myself on a website to see if there was a guy out there that was in a similar postition as me that was looking for the same! What am i thinking?I feel so guilty and stupid and lonely . The truth is the only person I want to be all things for me is my husband but its doesnt seem possible in that way anymore . We have always be best friend but it seems that we are that in every sense now .Please someone talk some sense into meor at least understand?

[GypsyMoth]

you'll find plenty of men willing to help you explore this!

dating sites arent the answer

[RooBear]

don't mean to sound patronising but can't you get yourself a hobby?! have you spoke to your DH? if hes great he might be very understanding and suggest some date nights or something?

[Ladyscratt]

Think about how life would be without him and your children. You need to talk to him and try and sort out your problems before you go and creat bigger ones.

[Lulumaam]

you're not happily married if you are joining websites looking for 'friendship' 'fun'

spend some time and energy getting the spakr back with DH or do the decent thing and leave him before you look for someone else

you need to be happy in yourself, no man can do that for you

[LittleMissMadam]

I have tried but he doesnt seem to get how much this is getting at me I am a good wife and mother but i want to be me ... other than suggesting what i am thinking which could do more more damage than good! its a difficult situation, and i know what i am doing is purely selfish I wish i could say that i feel furfilled but i dont..

[LittleMissMadam]

I dont want to leave him , I love him and our children very much... I know he loves me but he just doesnt seem to have the same needs as me

[lazarusb]

Life is not always greener on the other side- if you truly love your dh talk to him and see if you can work on being a couple again. Get dcs in bed, cook a meal together, bottle of wine...see if you can reinvent your relationship...and see how he feels about it too.

[Karmann]

You need to do something for you - maybe a hobby as RooBear suggests. Trouble is, we end up being wife and mother and forget who we are as an individual.

An affair will absolutely destroy what you have - fill in the missing pieces with something for you which does not involve being unfaithful. How would you feel if you found out your H was having affair because he was 'missing' something?

Introduce the passion you're looking for within your marriage and find yourself something interesting to do for yourself.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

How old are your DC, and what else is there in your life? Do you work, see friends of an evening, have any hobbies or clubs you attend? I understand the feeling that you've somehow lost yourself when you spend your time catering to the needs of others, but an affair is not the answer.

[LittleMissMadam]

my kids are aged between 2-12 yrs , i work for myself and have a good social circle. I think it im being completly honest we have lost the intimacy in our relatioship and I need that, i dont think that is as important to him as it is to me! I just dont want to risk everythinfg i have either by being honest with him or lying.. i feel awful , like the worst peron in the world .. i know im so lucky to have what i have!

[loopylucy76]

at the risk of being flamed, it could be just what you need.

I have been where you are and I took the plunge and Im not sorry to say it was a great decision.

Only you know what you need.

[Lulumaam]

you want to have the excitment of the new, with the stabilityh of the old

you need to put some work in

it's far worse to be caught out in a lie and an infidelity than to be honest and hopefully be able to retrieve things

if he is a nice guy, don't make a mug of him

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Is there any chance that you and your DH could go away for a few days, just the two of you? So you can both be "human" again, rather than "mummy" and "daddy". Do all that "rediscover why you first fancied each other" stuff.

[LittleMissMadam]

I taking all your point on board .. its not like i just woke today and decided this its been coming for while.If i was listening to me i would suggested the same things you are but beleive me i have tried them all ...I wish it was as simple as trying a little harder believe me I would be up for that. The one thing that stops me is i dont want to make a mug out of him to be honest he deserves better , but i also know i cannot continue like this.

[loopylucy76]

be very discreet and make absolutely sure that you find a man equally discreet.
Make sure that you know what you are getting into and both make the boundaries are very clear from the outset.

[countingto10]

It sounds like you are looking for someone to make you happy when you should be making yourself happy. What fun things did you use to enjoy as a child - I've just started horseriding again after nearly 20 yrs, apart from the initial pain I am finding it wonderfully fulfilling, being out in the open, doing something just for me, "learning" again etc.

Go to counselling, alone and together - don't go outside your marriage to solve problems in it.

Good luck.

[tartyhighheels]

I wonder what the answers would be if you were a man?

Get a grip and sort yourself out because you are risking the happiness and stability of your entire family because you have lost your way a bit (we all do you know, it is very commn, absolutely normal and completely resolvable without spreading your legs so you can make yourself feel better)

This is not ok, not for any reason or excuse you make up to justify it.

Get a bit of a life of your own and get some self control. I am genuinely disgusted that you are dumb enough to imagine this could help in any way whatsoever.

[forestgirl]

I hate to admit this, but being with a fun man who makes me laugh and feel alive does make me happy. I know all the cliches about only you can make yourself happy. But I'd rather be drinking rose in the sunshine with a funny, flirty man than learning how to arrange flowers or fix a dodgy tap.

I took the plunge (not on a dating website tho) and am now in the throes of separation/divorce. I haven't been as happy for years. As someone else said, you do what makes you happy, not what other people tell you will make you happy. Just be aware of what you have to lose.

[LittleMissMadam]

Thanks you for your messages ithink while i have been sitting here reading all your comments i have realised that this is about the intimate side of our relationship , Im going to think long and hard before I do anything else .. thnak you all for your comments x

[londonartemis]

Completely understand, OP. My DH and I are working hard at trying to get our marriage much happier. We have got to a point where it is much improved, but not sure how much further we can actually go, and I feel rather like you. I am not sure I would do the website thing...but I did meet someone last year and we are in regular e-mail contact. He fulfills a need and a void and helps me get through a lot of the mundane bits of marriage. We live a long way away from each other, so no meeting up. I have no idea where it is all heading, but all I can say is that it helps having him.

[alipalie]

Be totally honest with your husband and you may find that honesty is the best policy. Your kids will grow up and never understand why you decided to cheat on their dad,and that will affect your relationship with them. So just don't bother. If your no longer happy leave him and then find a new relationship. You will never develop a healthy happy relationship with someone else while your still married. Sit down with him and be brutally honest. good luck I hope you work things out