Ok...never posted on here before but hoping someone can give me some advice on what to do/ what they would do? It may be long sorry!
I went to stay with a friend in another part of the country on Saturday / Saturday night. DH went to a rugby match on saturday daytime and then went out into town later (on his own as no-one else wanted to go out - their team had lost!). I spoke to him about 12pm, pretty drunk as expected but all fine, he bumped into a few ppl he knew. His phone then ran out of battery but he called me when he got home off the home phone (about 2ish).
Anyway, I got home Sunday morning - had a nice day in garden etc (DH very hungover!). Going to bed last night I was sorting out mobile phone charger - plug is on wall behind bed. Noticed something under there so reached under (its a bed on legs so lots of space under there) to pull it out - was a condom wrapper.
Now we hardly ever use condoms. However, we did use one a while back, been racking my brains to think when it was and can't pinpoint but think it was mid April... Immediately ask DH whats this doing under here (calmly) and he first says "don't know" then said it must have been from when we last used one. I was giving him a funny look and so he then starts getting offended that I "could even think he'd done something". We don't have an argument just a small convo about it, I say I was just curious as to why it was there....end conversation with me appologising for even thinking he could do that...
Unfortunately I'm one of those who can't get things like this off my brain. Been thinking about it all morning and I've probably convinced myself of things that don't exist now! But here is what is circling round in my head -
- Door was unlocked when I got back about 10am. At the time meant nothing, I did ask him if he forgot to lock on sat night and he said he'd opened it for me as he know I would be back early (even tho I have a key on me)...anyway, could be me looking into it too much but he hasn't done that before.
- As soon as I got home he was all over me (at the time was nice, this isn't unusual, he's very touchy feely ) and wanted to give me oral sex...guilt?! (I know, I know, reading into it too much and sound ungrateful!!)
- We ended up having sex but he had to go wash his "bits" cos there was all this dried white little blobs on the end of "it" (sorry tmi!).
- We have wooden floor in the bedroom so dust/hair collects quite a lot under there. I know I cleaned under there quite recently but can't work out if it was before or after we had used a condom last. I did say that in passing in our convo last night which he dismissed.
- Since convo last night I have remembered I dropped something under bed and went under there to get it. Wrapper definately wasn't there when I did this, or I would have binned it! I can pinpoint this to the beginning of May (had to clean what dropped under there).
- From memory the wrapper wasn't dusty at all. Which I didn't notice last night but was thinking about this morning. Wrapper was at the side of the bed last night so if it hasn't moved by tonight I'll have a look. Do ppl know if a wrapper is "moist" on the inside? I might check later, if it was from April it would have dried out by now!
- He has never been faithful to anyone before me. He told that to me himself. He was engaged to a girl before me for 3years and told me he slept with 7 other girls in that time, including a year long affair. (this was in a confess all convo we had at the beginning of relationship. He swears he would never do it to me).
- His pillow had brown marks on the face area (like dark brown eye shadow). I did ask him what it was but he didn't know. No foundation though and no black mascara marks, just dark brown.
I think thats all. The length of this post tells me I am looking way too much into it. There is a chance it is the wrapper from April. I know I need to talk to him about this again but how do I bring it up without him getting offended again (to be fair, I prob would be offended if I got accused). Or do I just forget about it and accept its an old wrapper...We've been married for 2 years, no kids. I love him so much and know he loves me, he really is an amazing husband - but he's got a history of cheating. Can't ask anyone in real life, he could have done nothing wrong and its me being paranoid.
What would you do?! leave it or start a massive argument...I don't want to lose him due to me doubting him, but if he has done something I would not stay with him...