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Everything has changed

8 replies

sophiejoandbump · 22/05/2010 12:56

Since I gave birth to my little boy almost 3 months ago, everything has changed, I knew there would be changes, but I really thought that me and my partner could do this and still be a couple.
Since the birth of our child he has been a brilliant dad, and I know he still loves me and I still love him, but we constantly argue like cat and dog, we are only young (18) and when he was drunk he told my quite attractive friend, right in front of me that he thought he was missing out on sleeping with other girls because we have only been with each other, so I told him fine dont sleep in the bed with me if you feel that way and he slept on the sofa bed (in the same room) I feel I was being silly but it really did upset me. He has changed he is not the person he was before and during my pregnancy, he never does anything for me anymore, he goes to work and comes home grumpy moans and goes to bed, we never spend time together and when we get a chance he almost always decides he wants to do something else, for example go to the gym or go on the pc to play his computer games. He doesnt go out alot because neither of us really have mates (they all peed off when they found out about little one) but I am stuck in the house most of the time on my own, and when he comes home all I want is a cuddle, and hes so moody!! And sex is completely out of the picture is this normal, am I worrying about nothing? I just want to be with him,
thanks

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Alvira · 22/05/2010 13:57

I think it's to do with your ages. Being 18 still makes you both teenagers. Women mature faster. You probably have moved on from being a teenager since your child was born but he is stuck in a situation which he views as akin to a trap. This period of readjustment won't be easy. Can you rely on family to help out by looking after the baby so you both can go out more often? I hate to say this but you must prepare yourself for things to get worse before they get better. Resentment can simmer for ages. You sound like a sensible woman and i'm sure you will cope.

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sophiejoandbump · 22/05/2010 14:07

Thanks hun, mine and his family are very supportive and help out. I am sure they would have the baby if I asked. We are supposed to be going away for a weekend in the summer and my mum is having the baby. I am hoping this will help get us back on track and give us a small amount of time to just be together, we are supposed to be getting married next summer, and I want it to be perfect, so I am hoping that this will be ok by then! we havent set a date so I am worried it will get moved or forgotten about. I am so upset and feel so alone, I just want him to realise that I love him with all my heart and I want him to be happy with or without me, aslong as he is there for our son! x

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Alvira · 22/05/2010 14:18

Can you ask your mum to have the baby one evening soon? Don't set a date for your wedding yet till you feel that he is ready to stand by you. I can understand you feeling upset and alone. It must be so hard. Having a baby at whatever age is hard.

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LadyLapsang · 22/05/2010 14:46

Think you need to be kind to yourself & your DP. You are both very young to have the responsibility of a baby & you sound like you are doing really well overall. He is doing something for you both, going to work & being a good dad. As well as trying to organise some couple time so you can get out together, do you get time on your own, work or with friends? If you don't I would recommend you try and schedule some time doing what you like too.

I wouldn't focus too much on the wedding but on strengthening your relationship.

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littleearthquakes · 22/05/2010 19:22

Have to say I don't think it is anything to do with your age - it's so so hard throwing a baby into the middle of a relationship. The first 3 months of my DS life was very hard as I adjusted to being a mother and DS being the centre of my world, by neccessity more than anything else, whereas DH said I was his priority still but it manifested itself in him doing his own thing a lot more.

My DS is 18mo and our relationship has gone through so many more ups and downs than pre-baby, but my mum told me she thinks divorce should be illegal in the first 2 years of a baby's life.

What he said to your friend was unacceptable, but if he's continuing to be a good dad, give him, and more importantly yourself a chance. Don't assume because you're both young that that's the reason you're finding it hard - I know a couple who'd been together 10 years, in their early 30's, divorced within 6 months of their baby being born. I know many many more couples aged from 16 to 40 who have survived

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skidoodly · 22/05/2010 19:27

"but my mum told me she thinks divorce should be illegal in the first 2 years of a baby's life."

Why? So women will be prevented from getting away from useless or abusive men when they have babies to care for?

What an utterly stupid think to say.

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littleearthquakes · 22/05/2010 19:43

fair point, but I also get hers - it's bloody stressful having a baby, doesn't mean you're being abused and can mean the mother is as or more useless than the father

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sophiejoandbump · 23/05/2010 17:21

thanks for all the comments ladies. I dont think it has much to do with age, but more to do with the fact that we havent had time together before our ds came along.
I dont for a second think he doesnt love me, but I just get upset that I dont see him alot. I know alot of people go through worse than me. My partner is lovely hes a great dad, hes not abusive. Hes just changed...i mean, we have changed as a couple. we are going away for a weekend soon so I hope that will help x