Love and fidelity

[catwalker]

I'm working through all the grief of finding out a couple of months ago that my husband had been unfaithful to me a year or so earlier, but I've hit a bit of a stumbling block. He says he loves me with all his heart and always has done. I don't believe he does because I don't believe if you feel that strongly about your wife it's possible to spend a couple of months flirting with/texting another woman and then sneak off and have sex with her. Even if you are then filled with horror and don't allow it to happen again.

So is it possible to really love your partner but go off and have sex with another person? (It wasn't a spur of the moment thing; he arranged it) He says it is possible; I say it isn't. Any views?

[cyb]

Him cheating with someone elses shows how he feels about himself not how he feels about you.

It sounds like he has rationalised his behaviour and really believes you would not be hurt by it.

He needs to know how it did hurt you, but also he needs to explain WHY he did it, what he was hoping for.

As has been said on here many times men do feel differently about sex to women, its more perfunctory in lots of cases and less emotional.

So whilst he may not respect you or believe that you would be hurt, I think it is possible to love someone but sleep with someone else, if you can conveniently separate the two in your head.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

I don't agree with LeQueen, but you've heard enough from me Catwalker on previous threads. I'm bumping this for you so that more people will hopefully comment.

[oliviasmama]

I think it's possible yes....but shitty, very very very shitty and if that's his view on it then maybe he'd allow you to do it too

ARSE!!!

[Karmann]

Catwalker, can you go back and read WWIFN's previous advice to you? It's not unusual to hit that wall at some stage - did you get the book Not Just Friends. It's an amazing read.

And yes, it is possible.

[Doha]

No don't think it is possible.

If thats is how much he loved you at that point, it was not a lot.

He gave no thought or consideration to you or your feelings at that time. You just did not matter to him at all (except if he got found out and even then....)
This was an arranged meeting not spur of the moment =intention to cheat and deceive.

That is no definition of love

twat

[overmydeadbody]

I think it is definately possible to love more than one person, and to love someone without being exclusive to them, and to love someone and have sex with someone else.

But lieing is a shitty thing to do, but people can love someone and still do shitty unthinking selfish things.

We love our kids but that doesn't mean we always do the right thing does it? We still shout sometimes, and loose our temper, and hurt them.

I am not justifying the behaviour of partners who cheat though. They should exert more self control.