Don't think I love him now, if ever.

[DoesItImprove]

My DH and I have been through the mill, financially, family relationships and a few children in a few years.

He's just been away on business for a couple of weeks and the night before he went he got in at 2am, really pissed and hammering on the door. Our youngest child is 18months. He also called me from the cashpoint(because he was so pissed he put the worng number in 3 times and had no money) the money he wanted was part of the £70 I had, that my Mum had given me, to cover food and petrol for 2 weeks...cupboards were bare. So he screamed at me that I was a fucking useless fat (size 10) bitch, repeatedly.

Well the drinking and verbal abuse is nothing new, and I can be just as bad as him although I don't drink.

I am worried that I am too angry a lot, with him and the children. But then they are very testing! However they don't deserve grumpy Mummy going crazy about little things, or at all. I am a sahm and do feel trapped by my own mantra of staying home is best for the dcs, and due to no money and demanding baby I have no hobbies or interests.

Anyway DH has arrived home and I haven't missed him and besides the help with our dcs I am not pleased to see him. He keeps trying to kiss me, which I do with pursed lips, but I don't want to be affectionate at all. When i refuse he acts injured and rolls his eyes.

[SolidGoldBrass]

The fact that you don't feel love towards someone who spends necessary food money on drink and verbally abuses you is a sign of emotional health - why would you love such a person?
It's worth having a think about what good qualities he does have, and seeing if there's enough there to salvage. However, it's possible that you and your whole family might be happier if you looked for a part time job, at least. It's simply not true that having a SAHM is invariably best for DC - while they need consistent loving care, a bored, resentful, irritable mother who doesn't want to play with them and is slipping into depression is NOWHERE NEAR as good for them as a day or two a week mixing with other children at a good childminder or nursery, and a happier mum with more to give when she is with them.

[DoesItImprove]

I think his last episode has pushed me over the edge. Before i could easily slip between the sheets and pretend it wasn't him, not someone else just close my eyes and have fun. But now he repulses me.

It's true about the not playing enough with the dcs, I feel so suffocated and constantly feel like 'when do I get time for me?'.

[GeekOfTheWeek]

Agree with SGB.

SAHM skint and unhappy is not what I would call good for dc's.

Your h sounds like a cock. Think you would be better off going at it alone.