Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH doesn't want a third DC, but I can't think about anything else

4 replies

MissLiss · 04/05/2010 14:10

DH and I have been sidestepping the topic of having a third DC for a few months now, and not really addressing the issue head-on. He knows that I want to TTC. He has always known that I want to have three children. DS1 is 4 and DS is 2.5. When DS2 was a baby, I believed I would be doing all of this again. I didn't think it would be the last time. He knows how strongly I feel, yet last night (when we finally managed to get everything out in the open) he was utterly resistant to the idea.

I felt so completely shocked by this and by his unwillingness to discuss it and now I feel completely knocked sideways.

I know how lucky I am to have two DSs. They are wonderful. But, rightly or wrongly, I feel that a piece of my family is missing and I have this all-consuming need to have another baby.

I have tried so hard all day to get a grip on things but I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to argue with him, and I don't want to strop or get upset, but I need to make him understand how I feel. How do I do that?

And why is it so hard? I don't want to put pressure on him or force him to do something he doesn't want to do, but is the only alternative really having to accept that DC3 will never happen? That seems too hard.

I feel completely at a loss

OP posts:

Report

alexsdad · 04/05/2010 14:19

"I need to make him understand how I feel. How do I do that?"

Write him a letter in which you outline your feelings? Can sometimes be a better way to get things over to us blokes rather than a verbal (and emotional) confrontation.

One thing which set of alarm bells for me... "his unwillingness to discuss it" - by this do you really mean "his unwillingness to agree with my request"? It's difficult because there isn't really a meeting-place in a discussion like this - you can't have 1/2 a DC!

Good luck - tricky talks to have.

Report

EndangeredSpecies · 04/05/2010 14:42

Know just how you feel ML. I have thought about little else for the past 2 and a half years. For 2 years of that time, DH was dead against the idea. But, for the last 6 mths we have been TTC no. 3. It takes time!!

IME the broodiness won't go away, and he won't understand, at least not completely, because he's not female.

What are his reasons for not wanting no. 3?

Report

littledawley · 04/05/2010 14:45

Someone very wise once told me that you'll never regret having a child but may regret not having one - I think that *alexsdad"'s idea of writing a letter is a very good one, maybe include that phrase.

Good luck - my number three was a genuine accident but one that I always wanted.

Report

MissLiss · 04/05/2010 16:11

Thank you ES - so there may be hope! I think he is just dead set against the idea because he feels that we're only just starting to get some time back for ourselves (which is true) but essentially, like you say, he's not female and doesn't understand. I was just surprised by the force of his reaction, and don't see where I'm supposed to go from here.

I'm going to write it all down and maybe share it, maybe not - hopefully it will make sense a bit more for me. But I love the wise words Little Dawley and they will definitely go in in trying to get my feelings across.

Thank you.