Should I buy a present from DC to EX???

[norksinmywaistband]

Ex's bithday in a fortnight, the first since we split for good.
Last year although we were apart I made a big fuss and spent a fortune ( very misguided I know) as I was hoping it was only a temporary split.
We are now mid - divorce and I am not sure what is normally done. His birthday is on a normal contact day with the DC, so I will see him as will DC.
I do not want to go over the top, but also know his family would not make the effort and buy a present from the DC.

So should I get a gift from them and if so, what sort of thing is appropriate?

[scurryfunge]

Is DC old enough to want to buy a present?

[pithyslicker]

I do, nothing expensive though, and my ex gets me one from the children. But we are pretty amicable. could they make a card for him?

[norksinmywaistband]

They are 4 and 5, and very into birthdays and presents atm iyswim.

I would definately get them to make a card anyway - it was just the present thing that got me stuck.

[ASecretLemonadeDrinker]

I would. At 4 and 5 have they any ideas of their own? Paint a mug/plate or something?

[scurryfunge]

I think a card would be fine on its own...a gift doesn't seem necessary, unless it's a home made gifts that the DCs have made

[TheArsenicCupCake]

Why not get them to decorate a box, and then put drawings they have done into it and a small box of chocs etc. They could really be in charge of their efforts, and he could have a keepsake box of things the dc's have done.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Ooh Norks a tough one! He has been such an arse he deserves nothing....

...but I suppose in the interests of maintaining an amicable relationship blah blah blah

Did he get something from them for you when it was your birthday or hasn't that arisen as yet?
I can't remember how old your children are - could you just do a homemade card? I have no idea about presents, when I was little we used to get my Dad socks or something like that until we were old enough to think of something better - but I don't know if you want to buy your ex-H socks!!

Sorry I have been no help.

[bobbiewickham]

I think you should take your dcs to get something for their dad.

He is still their dad, and they probably want to get him a birthday present. It's all about maintaining their relationship.

Although you need to make it clear it's from them, and not from you, iyswim.

[elastamum]

I always get the kids to buy a present for their father which I pay for and he does the same for me. I think it is important that they recognise relationships that are important to them.

The year after we split my ex got me an obvious petrol station card and present from the kids - not even a birthday card?? and I gave him a right bollocking as to why it isnt right to teach the kids that it is OK to do that to the person who cares for them -he sent me flowers as an apology

I would get them to choose something small or even hand made, it is the guesture that matters

[cakeandwine]

I used to go through this every year, my DC is now 13 and only gives his dad a text, but when he was little i would get him something small to give his dad for his birthday if he was due to see him around that time and also for xmas. I did it more for dc so he appreciated that he had to give not just receive...something like that, and i never ever spent much, because I dislike him intently and get so little help from him. Sounds like your dc's are at the age when they will enjoy giving him a present when they see him so if i were you I would buy them something to give him. Hope that helps?

[GinandChocolate]

I asked myself the same question earlier this year. What decided it for me was the view of my now adult friend. Her parents divorced when she was was a small child she told me that her Mum always made sure she paid for a present for her and her brother to give to their Dad and whether he appreciated the gesture or not, it was important to them that the niceties of family relationships were observed.

[Tanga]

DH and I give DSS some money and take him shopping so he can select a gift for his mother himself so it feels like it is coming from him.

Used to do the same for DD's Dad (she's old enough now to buy and pay for something herself) I think it's important that it is from the kids - I have a friend of a friend who gets very competitive and spends silly money buying presents only an adult would buy (alcohol, for example, not porn!)and is convinced this in some way impresses her ex and his family.

[norksinmywaistband]

Thanks for all the advic, Yes Ex has been a total arse, but he is their father and I do want to be the bigger person and not make my greivances through the DC.

I will take them out at the weekend and they can choose a present for themselelves and we will make a card together.

I think the would like to do that for their dad.

My birthday has not come up yet, hence the hesitancy on normal protocol...

Thanks for the help

[shoptilidrop]

yes. my ex husband was the biggest arse. but we still gets gifts. they are from the dc's. why should the dc's miss out the excitement of choosing a gift, wrapping it and giving it.
they shouldnt.
its about them. not you.