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Relationships

Well, I've had a weird day....

19 replies

PrettyFeckinVacant · 25/04/2010 23:33

I just hope that the light I can see is the light at the end of the tunnel and not a train coming in the opposite direction!

I shall try to keep it short.

For regulars, I was Stirling.

H had affair 3 yrs ago - it lasted nearly 2 years. He treated me badly during this time - not physically - emotionally.

I tried and tried to make things work for our 3 dc's sake but he couldn't let her go so I let him go. Approx 14 months ago I stopped trying and, even though he has lived in this house, things have been really strained.

He now works away so we only see him at the weekend, which suits me. This weekend I convinced him that we should tell the dc that we are separating as I dont want them thinking this is a normal relationship.

We sat them down (DS 10, DD 8 and DD5) and told them mummy and daddy dont love each other any more etc, etc

DS went quiet and DD's just laughed and pulled funny faces at each other. Thought they didn't get it but maybe that was their way of dealing with it.

Later we went to a theatre as I had booked tickets to see a short show and dc seemed fine. We went into restaurant later and had a small meal then H said he was leaving (as normal) to drive 300 miles to where he is working.

Well, the dc just burst into tears, along with H. My gorgeous DS was furiously wiping the tears away. My 2 DD's ran first to H for a cuddle and a cry and then to me. I told H to go and then I held them all in a huddle while they cried. God knows what the other people in the restaurant thought.

I am trying to see this as a turning point and hope that now we have this in the open, we can start to move on.

Time will tell.

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Tortington · 25/04/2010 23:37

oh deear. best wishes for the future

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PrettyFeckinVacant · 25/04/2010 23:39

Thanks Custy

The future is now a bit of a mystery.

But I am hopeful

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solo · 25/04/2010 23:40

You are very brave. I really wish ou a better future now that you've opened a new book.

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PrettyFeckinVacant · 25/04/2010 23:48

Thanks Solo

I am now drinking my well-deserved glass of wine and contemplating telling my Mum what is happening. Have put it off till now.

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jasper · 25/04/2010 23:54

My friend in a similar situation said the first week was TERRIBLE but the kids were fine after it became obvious they were not actually losing their dad.

Best of luck. You are very brave indeed to not just take the path of least resistance. I am raising a glass of lucozade to you x

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PrettyFeckinVacant · 25/04/2010 23:59


God, I haven't had lucozade in years - may have to get some now
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shabbapinkfrog · 26/04/2010 00:05

Can I just say that I think you are very brave? I dont say soppy stuff very often but I wish I had your courage.

You will all be fine...just fine. I have left it too late to end 'my stuff.' Just passed my 32nd wedding anniversary. You are doing the right thing. Just remember to be as honest as possible with your DS and never, ever tell even a half truth to them....they will sniff you out as being a fibber LOL. Good luck for the future and well done for today xxxx

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shabbapinkfrog · 26/04/2010 00:06

Sorry I meant DC!!

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PrettyFeckinVacant · 26/04/2010 00:19

Thanks shabba, I grew up in the midst of a shit relationship and vowed that (1) I wouldn't be so stupid as to marry someone that would hurt me - got that one wrong. Then (2) I would always be honest and talk to my dc.

I think that is what has driven me today.

I know the dc know something is wrong. Ffs, we aren't even slightly affectionate any more - kids aren't stupid.

Sorry you feel it is too late - surely it is never too late. Please think about it again. Go off back-packing. Do something that you want to do

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PrettyFeckinVacant · 26/04/2010 00:23

OMG shabba, I have just read your profile. Never mind me being brave - I cant imagine what you have gone through. You have my admiration and a big

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shabbapinkfrog · 26/04/2010 00:27

Im glad you read my profile - I hope you had a peep at my pictures. Its far too late for me to go off onto fantasy island.......I should have read the signs many years ago - Im an intelligent woman dont ya know LOL.....but I stay and try to make the best of things. Probably because of our background and our bereavments. BUT march onwards and upwards - I have every faith that you and your children will be fine xxx

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shabbapinkfrog · 26/04/2010 00:30

Oh for Gods sake - I just read my profile and looked at my pictures and I cant believe all that has happened!!!!

I know that I dont know you but congratulations for being a strong human being - have fun with your darling children and make every single day count xxx

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 26/04/2010 00:42

Oh Stirling - I'm so pleased you're moving on at last. You tried so hard and this living in limbo must have been debilitating.

Is he going to move out permanently now that he has a job?

The DCs will probably have more questions tomorrow, but FWIW, I'd pay close attention to your DS, who might bottle things up a bit and be reluctant to ask questions, whereas the girls might be more open. Did you go into any reasons for the break-up - or do you intend to? It might be the question your DS is afraid of asking i.e. "have you or Daddy got someone else?"

I assume you're also going to mention it to their teachers tomorrow?

Well done, brave lady.

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PrettyFeckinVacant · 26/04/2010 07:39

Hi Whenwilli, so nice to hear from you.

I only feel relieved today as the living in limbo is unbearable and turning me into a bitter, horrible person. But no more!

I have asked the dc a few times if they want to ask anything but they dont. Only smallest dd (5) said something, she asked if H was getting another house and if he was she said she would live with Mummy - bless!

We haven't gone into too much detail. Just told them we dont love each other anymore and dont want to be husband/wife but we will always be there for them as their mummy/daddy.

We dont want to lie so will tell them as much of the truth as we can when the time comes.

I had already spoken to their headmistress as we had a chat with them once before and told them we weren't getting along very well. I will speak to her again today. She is lovely.

DS has just come downstairs and told me he doesn't want to go to school today - not like him at all. He is having alot of problems sleeping at the moment and gets in with me every night. He seems very scared in the night and will cry if left on his own to go to sleep. I end up sitting in his room until he is asleep every night.

Funny, but till I posted this I was worried that I was being selfish ending this situation because I didn't want to live like this anymore. So many of you have called me Brave. Hadn't thought of it like that at all - Thanks. I feel slightly proud of myself now

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shabbapinkfrog · 26/04/2010 09:17

So you should xx

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instructionstothedouble · 26/04/2010 09:27

This reply has been deleted

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PrettyFeckinVacant · 26/04/2010 19:45

Thanks shabba and instructions.

DC seemed ok in school - School know what is going on so will keep an eye on them.

I am so tired today - didn't sleep too well last night and when I did eventually fall asleep, DS came and woke me up as he was scared.

I shall try for an early night tonight.

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solo · 27/04/2010 00:32

Shabba, it is not too late for you ~ not at all...My exMIL#1 left her husband after about 44 years and another friend left hers after 49 years. They were so much happier afterwards. You are still so young and beautiful. Why don't you go for it?

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shabbapinkfrog · 27/04/2010 06:43

solo - I do understand what you mean but it is not possible. Our family has 'grown' and now includes our own in laws and a grandchild. We are always tightly woven together because of the loss of our children. It sounds such a 'weak argument' when I type out these words BUT it truly is not possible. Thank you for your kind words - they are much appreciated xx

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