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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Chatroom - Am I sad?

32 replies

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 14:30

First let me say that I never ever thought that I would be writing this. I have always taken my marriage vows incredibly seriously, but I need the strength and willpower to do what I know is right.

I?m 38, married to DH for 9 years now, 2 children and life is good if a little?..staid.

DH was out with the kids at his parents at the weekend. They live a long way away up North. Out of sheer boredom, I logged onto a chatroom. I haven?t done that for years, not since before DH and I got together. God knows why I did, I wish I hadn?t. Before I knew it I was having some conversations which got pretty steamy and very quickly too. I ended up talking to one man in particular, who said that he lived less than 20 miles from me. I am ashamed to admit that I ended up sending some photos and we ended up talking on the phone. The whole thing was such an adrenalin rush and our phone call was very, very erotic. Even writing this, I can see how sad it looks. I can?t believe I did this. Have been feeling really guilty adn if im honest a bit dirty all week.

Despite that i want to speak to him again. Can't think straight.

OP posts:

Report

ABitBatty · 23/04/2010 14:33

How would you feel if your DH had done the same thing when you were out with the kids one day?

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 14:43

I know, its a betrayal.

OP posts:

cluckyduck · 23/04/2010 14:49

Oh scaredmum.

You know you've done a bad thing - but why did you do it? How is life with your DP - you say it is good, but are you actually happy/content?

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 14:54

yes, it genuinely is good at home.

I really only logged on out of boredom and once I was there just got carried away, i know thats no excuse. As soon as I got of the phone, I felt bad straight away.

OP posts:

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/04/2010 14:59

Don't contact this man again. Treat it as a wake-up call and work on revitalising the staidness you mentioned. I expect this chancer is married as well, so don't do this to another woman, let alone your DH.

It's a bit of a leap from being bored one evening though isn't it?

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 15:02

i know. I am definitely never ever going to do this again. Really scared about the photos though.

OP posts:

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/04/2010 15:05

Can you tell your H? If these photos end up in his possession somehow, it will be horrendous for him.

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 15:11

I can't. At least they didnt show my face. God this is embarrassing.

OP posts:

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/04/2010 15:15

So it's Friday now and you say this all happened last weekend. Have you been in touch with him since? Did you tell him the town you lived in? Did you put any of your identifying information in any text messages? You need to assess the risk here because there is a chance his partner might be able to trace you.

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 15:25

not been in touch since but yes he knows where I live. He also has my mobile number. I think that I am going to buy a new one and dump the other.

OP posts:

ineedabodytransplant · 23/04/2010 15:43

Can't you get another sim card rather than throw the phone away?

And then enjoy your family, don't wind yourself up anymore about your 'naughty' moment and don't do it again.

What exactly is staid about your life?

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 16:02

thanks. I will try to forget it. i've just been feeling really silly becuase I always imagined that only youngsters got all hot and bothered on the internet. Its a bit adolescent for a grown woman like me to have behaved this way.

As for my life, nothing terrible, I suppose I seem to spend all my life looking after others rather than getting any 'me' time.

OP posts:

marytontie · 23/04/2010 16:04

you re not the first and you wont be the last.

Forgive yourself, move on, and don' t do it again !

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 16:47

He has sent me some texts though and more ahem photos..i should delete them

OP posts:

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/04/2010 16:49

Yes of course. Why on earth were you keeping them?

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 16:54

the truth - he was quite big

OP posts:

piratecat · 23/04/2010 16:56

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/04/2010 16:56

You're going to contact him again aren't you?

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 23/04/2010 16:57

yes, game over.

overmydeadbody · 23/04/2010 17:00

Delete all his contact details and any photos, emails, internet history etc, and then move on, put the incident out of your mind and do not think of it again.

You cannot undo what has happened, but you can move on and learn form the incident and improve your will power.

There of planty of other things you can do if you are bored in the future.

scaredmumathome · 23/04/2010 17:04

Im not going to contact him again, but I did like what I saw

OP posts:

icedcake · 23/04/2010 17:11

wind up?

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CwtchyMama · 23/04/2010 17:12

Well i have a little story about chat rooms & i will not name change to tell it as i did nothing wrong but read on,

It was the day before i was going into hosp to have our ds & i logged onto a chat room page as i was bored,I got talking to a couple of other women & i was telling them all about me going into hosp & how excited/nervous i was.

Next thing i knew i was being bombarded with ASL? I didnt have a clue what that meant so i ignored them,then someone else sent a pic of himself to my pc.

I quickly left the pc & thought no more about it.

That night dh went onto the pc & found the pic that had been sent,luckily he knew i hadnt been messing around as he was in the house with me at the time & i was obviously massive,but imagine if i couldnt have explained how that pic had found its way onto our pc?

How would you feel if your dh found the pics?

Delete everything!

cluckyduck · 23/04/2010 17:38

So you're completely happy with your OH, but are keeping photos as this other guy has a large cock?

I suppose you can be happily married and want to see other mens bodies, but doing it in this way (as opposed to pornography I guess) is not healthy activity in a monogamous relationship. Delete it all, change you number, the lot.

SunSoakedStone · 24/04/2010 10:46

Ok, you are in no way sad. Sad would be completely ignoring your need for excitement. Marriage is no excuse for a staid life!

You haven't cheated on your husband, so don't feel guilty. Instead, accept you have discovered a need to change certain aspects of your life and put your energy into that.

Seduce your husband, shock him with this new side of you. Get something Ann Summers-esque and pin him down when the kids are in bed.

And by the way, 'big' is in no way a guarantee of a good time! Don't feel you are being deprived of anything amazing just because this guy is on the large side.

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