Could i ask a dear friend to repay me the money i loaned him....

[Notsureificould]

.. even though he is having a really bad time of it? his mum is really poorly and the man he was dating and called it off.

We need the money and he said he was going to repay it last week. Since then his mum has taken very ill and he has to fly abroad to see her.

So if I ask him for the money he owes me, will I be awful and horrible and uncaring? or would it be an acceptable thing to do considering I am short this month.



(I have namechanged for this one. DH does not know I have made the loan - it is not a huge amount but I do need it back)

[mrsboogie]

Seems a bit insensitive to ask just now. I would avoid it if I possibly could.

[LadyLapsang]

I would try not to, but then I would never loan any money that I wasn't prepared to loose. Actually I v rarely loan, I would be more likely to give.

I don't mean this as a criticism, you are probably more generous and have loaned money you actually need back!

[warthog]

this is why i don't loan. give it if you can afford it, otherwise sorry, too skint.

i think you have to give him a breather tbh.

[aurynne]

My motto is, when loaning money to a friend, forget about the money. This way, if the friend does not give it back, you don't care. If he does give it back, it will be like an unexpected gift!

Otherwise, I wouldn't lend it to start with.

[JustAnotherManicMummy]

How on earth did he fly abroad to see her? I thought the flights were full of people who's flights were cancelled.

Any way, if he was due to repay last week and hasn't told you when I will then I would ask for it back. And show sympathy to his plight, but ultimately it is not his money and you need it.

[JustAnotherManicMummy]

I will? he will. I've not borrowed any money...

[kittya]

How much is it? are you completely broke or, are you likely to get paid soon? If he is abroad for such an awful reason I wouldnt dare ask for it. If he was on holiday in Ibiza then it would be a different story. Me and my friends loan each other money before payday and none of us ask for it back and yet it is always given back. I wouldnt ask tbh. If he is likely to do a runner then thats another story. Cant your DH give you the money? Have you got a savings account you can take it out of for now? I really wouldnt ask for it.

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

JAMM, I don't think he's gone yet, the OP says he 'has to' fly.

[annatw9]

i really wouldnt ask for it back at this stage, hes probably out of his mind with worry over his sick mother, and he wouldnt forget it if you asked for the money during all that.

[Numberfour]

Apologies, but I have not changed to my OP name!!!

Yes, I agree that it would not be the right thing to ask for it now. I will not ask him - I also agree that you should not lend money without not expecting it back, though in fairness to my lovely friend, he always does repay these small loans.

I am not completely skint, just a bit short. But that small hiccup is nothing like what he is going through. His mum being ill is just another dreadful thing on top of a few others.

Thanks for the input and advice.

Not sure how he got a flight, JAMM. He is flying to the southern hemisphere in few days' time.

For those of you that do not lend money or do so very rarely, how do you say no?

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

I wouldn't as at the moment, my MIL lived overseas and had cancer. It was a truly horrible time.

Regarding the money, none of my friends ask to borrow it so it isn't really an issue. I occasionally lent someone a few pounds if we're out but I don't think more than a tenner and it's always come back quickly without being asked. In your position OP I would just say you are sorry but things are too tight financially to be able to help at the moment.

[DecorHate]

Yes my friends would never ask for a loan either (apart from as you say if we were out and couldn't find a cash machine sort of thing, but normally only talking about 5-10)

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

Actually, having said that, my oldest friend has had our car for a year which we could do with at the moment really as are now getting to the stage where we are needing a second car more and more. She has been through a truly awful divorce.

DH and I thoroughly discussed it before lending it to her though, were both totally in agreement and did say to her at the time that she really is welcome to have it for as long as she wanted but if DH needed to change jobs at any point that we would need it back. The times we've needed it have been worked around usually apart from once when we hired a car. She has offered several times to give it back if we needed it but we declined as any inconvenience on our part is tiny compared to what she's been through.

Story is having a happy ending though. She is moving in with her new man in a couple of months. He was a very good friend of her's DH, who really sadly died. My friend was devestated and spoke to her every day when she was ill. Over time her and the DH have become close and are now together and I'm thinking I might need to dust my hat off at some point and am so excited for her as he is the total opposite if her shitey, abusive ex. When she moves in she's buying a car so that is sorted along with happy ending.

[Numberfour]

good story, Wynken. thanks. and sorry about your MIL. that's awful.

[Numberfour]

my lovely, dear friend transferred the money to me today. i had not asked it to be paid back.

so glad i did not ask for it.....

[JustAnotherManicMummy]

That's good. I read your later post that said he's borrowed before and paid up so I was maybe a bit harsh before.

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

Excellent, glad that is sorted