Feeling a bit shell shocked

[Janos]

I know there are people in much worse situations here but I just need to vent a little...and my friends & family need a break from my ranting so I'm doing it online!

I had been dating someone for around 3 months. Thought it was going well, having a nice time, not desperately serious.

He mentioned he was still in touch with his ex, I told him I didn't want to continue things if he was still seeing (as in sleeping with) his ex. he assured me this was not the case.

I was hmmm but thought no, give the benefit of the doubt.

After a really nice w/e together, I send an affectionate text asking how he's doing and hope he has a nice eve.

Next thing I know, I get a text back from the ex girlfriend advising me that when he's not been with me he's been with her - this while he was there. Actually she sent it from his phone.

So I confronted him and it's been going on all the while.

Nice way to find out

I'm afraid I lost it a bit (so much for dignity and maturity) and called him all the names under the sun.

I know I've had a lucky escape here, how much worse if I'd found out later, but I truly feel gutted. I wasn't in love or anything but I feel so angry and hurt.

How could I have been so bloody stupid! Why didn't I see it coming? What's worse is he doesn't even seem to sorry. Well ok he is sorry..sorry he got found out.

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

You weren't stupid. You trusted him.

Sorry you are .

[skidoodly]

You weren't stupid, you just met a bad man. No part of this us your fault.

[Pronoia]

Oh Janos, what a prick

I'm so sorry. There is someone for you.

[Janos]

Thank you for kind words.

Just can't get over how angry I feel. Really quite viscerally angry! (Not about to run off and do anything crazy or owt).

I think I'm most upset about the lies and deceit.

I never imagined him doing this (part of reason why I liked him), being capable of that level of deceit. And no remorse at all, seemingly .

Ironically enough...I had offers but turned them down.

[pinksmarties]

Really feel for you........what a wanker. x

[posieparker]

It's only three months, you are not stupid.....

catch up with the, still warm, offers!

[ninah]

Being lied to is the pits, full stop
Not so much as ex as a gf, then
She still wants him after SHE found out? now THAT is sad

[Janos]

I think so ninah.

Nice eh!

Good idea posie . I need to lick my wounds first a but though.

[Janos]

aargh, a bit, not a but.

Thanks for 'listening' everyone. The kindness of strangers has helped me feel a little better already.

[posieparker]

Janos "I need to lick my wounds first a but though."

Ah so many smutty innuendos and so little time....

[TwuckingFunt]

so sorry Janos and that there are so many men out there who think it's acceptable to do this!

I've been where you are now, although mine had gone on a bit longer, it's not nice and the range of emotions you feel is overwhelming - guilt, anger, sadness etc. This isnt your fault at all so please dont blame yourself - you're certainly not stupid!

I was given some really good advice here if you want to have a read.

For the record, I'm now with the most wonderful man I've ever met. We got engaged in February and are getting married next year!

[Janos]

posie.

I'll have a look at that link, Twucking (PS...great name!)

[TwuckingFunt]

thanks, I thought it appropriate!

(only my namechange for that thread though, not my usual posting name!)

[Janos]

OK
I've read through some of your thread Twucking. My god how you were feeling must have been so much worse than I was.

What gets me is the sheer disrespect.

I'm going from calm and feeling ok to remembering incidents and then getting angry again. And a bit embarrassed. I think they heard me cussing him out down the street (thank god DS didn't wake up!)

Here's the thing. I've met his family and get on really well with them. They're lovely. In fact I've friended one on FB (before all this happened). I mean...why do that....?

The way 'OW' told me was really spiteful but then she must have been angry too. Although of course he 'had' to stay over to comfort her because she was 'so upset'.

Guess my feelings counted for shit really.

Wanker.

Above all, I really just don't get it.

[TwuckingFunt]

Janos, I was the same. I didnt 'get it' and none of it made sense. I had so many questions and so much stuff running through my mind.

My DC and, of course, the lovely ladies of MN, helped me through it. I never really did get any answers, just had to leave it all in the past and move on. It's not easy, I wont pretend it is, but it has to be done - for your own sanity more than anything!

I agree, these men are wankers, and dont deserve lovely ladies like us anyway - we deserve far better than that. And one day, you'll find it