Why is this women still pursuing my husband? Should I leave well alone?

[HardyHa]

My husband has a job which comes with a fair amount of influence and responsibility. Lots of single men who do a similar job to him find there are no shortage of women ready to befriend them, loving the power and influence that comes with the job.

Dh travels a bit for his work and went away about 6 months ago. Around 6 months previously, we had been out at a corporate do when it became quite clear that a woman (who does not work in the same company but because in the same field, they would bump into each other often) was coming onto him, while I was right there! Even some of dh's male colleagues commented on how this woman had a reputation for trying to sleep with the men in higher positions in companies.

I was quite surprised that she could be so bold to be like that when I was there.

On this last trip, everyone went out for a meal and this woman got completely drunk. Dh's room just happened to be right next door to the bar in the hotel so when the bar closed, they all (around 20 of them) went to his room for drinks. At about 1am, everyone left but this woman refused to go. Dh's best mate tried to carry her out but she 'passed out' on the couch at which point both dh and his friend (who sounded totally rat arsed) called me because they didn't want to leave her there as both had suspicions about why she was trying to stay in dh's room .

So after a quick chat with both of them, I told them to call her a taxi (via reception) and just splash her face with cold water to see if she was ok and really passed out. I heard nothing else till the next day when dh's best mate tells me the minute they approached her with water, before they splashed it on her, she woke up, said she was joking that she had passed out and had been hoping for some action . I do believe both of them as this sort of thing is v typical for her.

Scroll forward to now and dh has called me today to say that she is basically harrassing him. She is sending emails with quite suggestive comments and being a total nuisance. He has taken her to one side and told her that there will never be anything between them, he is happily married but she will not back off.

What else can he do other than carry on ignoring her? They don't work together but he does have to interact with her for work fairly regularly.

[JeremyVile]

He has to tell her - by emil pref - that her interactions are entirely unwelcome, he is requesting that she stop and if she does not he will regard it as harrassment and deal with it accordingly.

[doingthelambethwalk]

He shoudl speak to his HR dept. first though I think.

[junglist1]

Yep, what JeremyVile said. Don't send her a letter saying if she doesn't fuck off you'll take her head off her shoulders

[SpawnChorus]

Agree with JeremyVile.

This is shockingly bad behaviour on her part, and very unfair of your DH. I'd also be concerned about her turning the tables in a fit of pique and making out that your DH has been harrassing her.

[skidoodly]

He should start keeping a record of her harassment. If he needs to take this further, it will come in useful.

[mrsboogie]

He has to do what a woman would do in the same situation would be advised to do- write to her telling her to cease her harassment or he will take it through official channels.

He needs to cover hiself in case she ever gets the hump at his rejection and decides to turn it all on him. It happens.

Good job you have a sensible and honest husband though!

[NinaJane]

What a vile woman! You have a wonderful husband btw.

Next time she approaches him in a bar, he must invite her to share a table with him - then he must launch into lengthy, tearful discussion about his sessions in debt counselling - how is he trying his best, but that the bank is about to reposes his house and he thinks that he may be made redundant, because of some tax irregularities the previous year.

Or just do as JeremyVile has suggested

[wukter]

Make sure your DH keeps all those emails with her suggestive comments.

[sayithowitis]

a) he needs to keep hard copies as well as copies on PC of these e-mails
b) e-mail her, and keep copies as before, advising her that if she continues to harass him he will report her to her boss as well as police.

He needs to be careful as she could attempt to turn it back on him and cause him a lot of trouble.

On a brighter note, how nice to read of a DH who doesn't assume that he is obliged to take up this very blatant offer just because the offer is there!

[GeekOfTheWeek]

What jeremyvile and sayithowitis said.

[lolapoppins]

My dh was in a similar situation a while back.

He went to HR and they dealt with it. She ended up being put on another project. She got the sack a few months back. Apparently, She got infatuated with another man and stormed into a client meeting saying she loved him. I think she was going for unfair dismissal as dh was aproached by HR to write a statement about her harrasment of him, but it ended up being settled privately.

[CrankyTwanky]

What MsBoogie said.
He should do what a woman would do.

[HardyHa]

Hi everyone, thanks for the advice. Sorry I didn't come back earlier but was on the way back from work!

Yes, I'll tell him to keep the emails just in case. I think he has written to ask her to stop - he showed me the email - but it was quite a pleasant email. I think you're right and he should step it up and demand she stop and see what happens.

I'm not sure how helpful his HR will be given that she doesn't work for them. I think dh might feel a bit embarrassed speaking to them about this but perhaps, if he can't do it face to face, he could forward a few of her emails to them and then explain what has happened (perhaps they could keep them).

yes, I think he is also a bit worried that she will turn the tables on him!

[mrsboogie]

Oh sorry - I mistakenly though she did work with him. In that case a more strongly worded email from him to her perhaps using the words "unprofessional" and "harassment".

[HappyWoman]

Yes he must get some outside help involved. If she is after a nice payout (and there are a lot of them being done privately) she will turn the tables on him.
She will claim he is leading her on - she will be unable to stay in her job for fear of him 'chasing' her and she will then go to a solicitor and ask for compensation for her loss of earnings. I have seen it happen before - get your h's firm to check her out for previous.
This happened in my h firm and it was only because someone had worked with her before that they alerted someone - she had done it 5 times before and got quite large payouts too.

[LoveBeingAMummy]

Having been involved with someone at work who was under threat of violence there is only so much his work can do. It is a good idea though to get them involved as they will be able to back up his version of events if he does have to take it to the police. Does his work have a employee secruity system? Ours was able to offer advice that could help reduce risk as well as keeping a record.