WWYD in this situation?

[CuppaT]

P and I on verge of splitting up. Lots of tension between us.

Wedding next month 8 hours away for mutual friends. DD is flower girl.

Accommodation is booked for four of us. B&B on one night and the venue's hotel the night of the wedding.

P seems totally not bothered about wedding. I have done all sorting out of B&B, hotel, pricing up travel, sorting out outfits etc and thanks to a very tight budget we are having to drive up there. P's car is much better equipped for long distance driving than my little 1.2ltr.

Of course lots of couples at wedding.

Do I make plans to go it alone with two DCs and attempt to get my little car all the way there and back or do I try and grin and bear it and tell P he has to come because of plans made and friends have paid for him to be there?

The weekend is gonna be awful if we're together and I know I'd have a better time on my own even though I'll probably stick out like a sore thumb and people will be talking about me.

Have told friends about situation. They would like him to be there but understand if he's not, they said it's more important that me and DCs are there.

WWYD?? Many thanks

[chaostrulyreigns]

Can you go with DCs and take his car as it would be safer for you and the children?

It may be a pleasant weekend away for you -space on your own and all that. Don't worry about the fact that people may be talking about you - IME people are amazing unaware of others troubles.

Sorry to hear about the tension.

[poppy34]

Erm difficult though it sounds could you not go with dp and try to think of it as practice at being
civil as you are going to have to be in contact due o dc even if split up cos of dc . Fact that kids are there plus lots of other friends plus whole wedding set up
may mean it's more bearable than you think cos of dilution effect of this.

Does dp want to go? If not then probably better tying to go alone(or could you borrow his car) then have
him go reluctantly which is going to make a bad situation worse.

[cyteen]

If you can't borrow his car (which is what I would initially try and do), could you maybe go with just the children but plan for a longer weekend and break the journey up somewhere along the way? E.g. is there a helpfully-situated friend you could stay the night with, before getting to the B&B the next day?

Sorry for your situation btw, it sounds very sad and stressful. FWIW I think you will almost certainly be better off going to the wedding without him, assuming he really doesn't want to go.

[cyteen]

Or is there a friend/relative you could take along in your partner's place?

[CuppaT]

I'd rather go on my own TBH but it's the travelling that scares me a little. I don't like driving on motorways, especially in my car but I'd probably set off early in the morning and try and get there early afternoon to give myself a rest before wedding day.

I've tried discussing it with him but he just grunts. I've asked him does he want to go and he says 'yeah' in that 'yeah, but not really' tone....

I hate living this way.

A few times I've contemplated telling friends we won't be there, but they'd be pretty pee'd off. They're good friends and I wanna keep them as friends, plus of course, I want to be there.

[CuppaT]

just rang him in work and asked if he's booked time off yet.

He said 'been trying too but it ain't easy, what's the date again......?'

What does that tell you ??

[CuppaT]

Have asked a few friends and relatives.....my best friend used to go out with groom, they don't speak anymore, can't take her. My sister has examine around that time. Another friend can't get time off.

Wouldn't take a male friend as not even properly split from P yet.

[CuppaT]

exams around that time.......

[SolidGoldBrass]

OK, get working on making the trip good without him, because he's clearly not going to be helpful or sensible about it (and just keep reminding yourself how nice it will be to get rid of a sulky selfish man anyway).
Take a male friend by all means. You are separating from your H therefore he has no right of veto over who you socialise with - and if he kicks up, tell him that as he doesn't want to go it's nothing to do with him.

[overmydeadbody]

Agree with SGB.

Jsut go alone and have a great time!

[CuppaT]

Thanks for your advice. Yeah would like to let me hair down and enjoy myself for once so I'll try and do that.