Is honesty best here?

[rancidamoeba]

I've been in love with someone for nearly a year and a half. We are not involved physically, but are quite close friends and do spend a lot of time together. I find it hard when I don't see him and he has said a couple of times that he loves me. I didn't respond because I was scared and also someone once asked me if I was in love with him, loudly and in front of lots of people and I lied and said "no". Don't want to get flamed here. I'm just worried that if I tell him how I feel, it will ruin what we've got, but I also feel like if I don't, I'll burst.

[thatsnotmymonkey]

tell him. what is stopping you? are either of you involved with other people?

[starshaker]

Just tell him or you will end up doing what i am. Ive started to distance myself from my best friend cos i cant afford to fall for him more than i already have. I also know he doesnt feel the same about me and its hard. I do think that im gonna end up losing him completely cos i cant deal with how i feel about him.

[mumofaboy]

Tell him. I think people seem far more attractive when they are interested in you, or you think they could be. If he's into you great. If he isn't, it'll take away an aspect of your attraction to him and you can work on getting over it.

[rancidamoeba]

Sounds sensible and logical, but I just really feel like if I tell him he'll push me away and I don't know if I could cope with that. But yes, if that's how he feels I guess the sooner I come to terms with it the better. Otherwise it's a shameful waste of time. And yes, both married but at different stages of the divorce process.

[FoxyRevenger]

Tell him!!!!

I'm now married to my best friend so it worked for me....

[rancidamoeba]

I did tell him once.

[rancidamoeba]

Starshaker how do you know he doesn't feel the same, have you spoken to him about it?

[starshaker]

Sort of, there was a thread about it not that long ago but basically "stuff" happened then after he went home i hardly heard from him, sent him a text asking him if everything was ok and he said yeah but it wasnt gonna happen again cos sex complicates friendship. Now im left feeling more because of what happened and knowing it will never be any more.

[FabIsGettingThere]

Tell him.

Don't tell him.

But you need to decide as you can't live in limbo.

[BitOfFun]

He asked you loudly in front of other people if you were in love with him? Sorry, he sounds like an ego on legs.

[ineedabodytransplant]

BOF,

no someone else asked her

[templemaiden]

"However, if he is saying that 'sex complicates friendship ' [ which I have just spotted ] then you have your answer. He doesn't want a relationship with you."

That wasn't the OP - that was starshaker.

I would tell him.

[BitOfFun]

Neither of us can read properly, Shiney. We are of no use here...

[rancidamoeba]

I saw him today. Was going to tell him but then I got upset thinking about it. There was one point where I caught him looking at me via a reflection, which made me giggle. Don't know how long I can sustain this. Should I tell in person or email / text?

[thatsnotmymonkey]

In person. Tell him, do it quick like ripping off a plaster. Go out for a walk round a park so you will be moving and getting rid of some of that nervous energy. Tell him.

[rancidamoeba]

Well, I'm going to see him tomorrow although I don't know if i'll be able to engage in walking around the park type activities. Starshaker how did stuff happen? I think you should maybe have an honest talk with him.

[starshaker]

Stuff happened cos i kissed him and it went from there. I stupidly thought it ment more than just a shag but clearly it didnt

[rancidamoeba]

Oh dear Starshaker! I'd like to think it's because he's confused rather than not feeling the same way.
Maybe he's relationship-phobic and just needs to come round to the idea gradually. My relationship with this man is not like any i've had before. I really don't want to wreck it.

[starshaker]

Nope he deff doesnt feel the same. Hes been avoiding me. I have a dvd he really wants and ive been trying to get it to him for a couple of weeks now but whenever i try to arrange to drop it in he doesnt answer his phone or text me back. He used to come up nearly every weekend for a dvd night and ive not seen him since that night. we also used to spend hours chatting on msn about everything and nothing and ive not spoke to him for about a week now.

[rancidamoeba]

I'm sorry starshaker, sounds bad, but I had the same thing with this man avoiding txts etc. Admittedly we've never had any kind of physical thing, but it may not mean he doesn't feel the same way, could just be that he's scared and needs time to sort his feelings out. I really hope it does work out for you. :-) I think if it's right and meant to be then it will work out and if it isn't then you don't want it in any case.

[thatsnotmymonkey]

Have you told him yet? I am on tenter hooks! I would avoid the "love" word and just say that you want more and to be in a relationship with him.

Good Luck!

[rancidamoeba]

To be honest we spend so much time together that it feels like a relationship already, just nothing physical and no talk of feelings, except him a couple of times. Meant to be seeing him tonight.