I'm so stupid. I told him I want him back (Scorps)

[Scorps]

Gah. I'm a huge knob with knobs on top and knob earrings

He didn't say he wanted me, he said things like he thought that my behaviour (checking up on him) wouldn't change. He didn't want to be guilted into coming home for dcs. He was worried he would have to leave me all over again.

It's fucking obvious he isn't coming back isn't it. I miss him so much I ache. I don't want to do this life without him. I can't imagine it. I feel like shit and I've set myself up for a fall all over again.

[FabIsGettingThere]

I don't know your background but what I will say is this - don't put yourself through any unnecessary pain unless you know the end result will be worth it. Sometimes I have been my own worst enemy and I get so cross at myself. It is so much freer when I don't do it.

Take a break from him and you, enjoy your kids, get your head straight. Nothing is forever. In 3 years you and he could be living in blissful harmony, you might be living with someone else in blissful harmony or you might be blissful living alone.

I wish you luck and a big fat chocolate cake.

[SolidGoldBrass]

I don';t know your backstory I'm afraid, but are you getting any kind of support or counselling WRT boosting your self esteem in general? Because you need support from friends etc, to be able to draw a line under this man and move on. He doesn;t love you and doesn;t want to be in a relationship with you, and when someone makes that clear, you have to accept it, and stop trying to change the person's mind, work out what went wrong, etc. Because all that effort is a waste and only prolongs the pain. I do hope there are people round you who can help.

[Scorps]

I have alot of rl support but I'm stuck with my brain

he left me at 37 weeks pg with dc4 in December. He has consistently told people since then about missing me, regrets it, how hard it all is etc

that's why I told him today.

I have already partially accepted it but I find it very difficult to visualise a future without him as my husband

I feel so stupid and like I shouldn't have done it

[Lulumaam]

oh it was bound to happen, absolutely bound to happen

now it is how you move forward and stay strong

of course you would alsyws be checking on him, he cheated and lied, cheated and lied

it is his behaviour that needs to change and he is still not taking responsiblity

you might not want to do this life without him, but, my love, you have to

he will always be teh DCs father, but for a husband and life partner, you don't need him

[Scorps]

But it hurts so much and when will that stop

[Lulumaam]

i'd give it a good year or so

it is like grief, there is a process and a time scale

you're allowed a wobble now and again

look how far you've come already !

[Besom]

Not for a while but it will stop.

I think our brains (and hearts) play tricks on us at times like these. In years to come you'll see him for what he is and be glad you are out of it.

Lulumaman is right - everyone who feels rejected goes through this stage of asking them (begging in my case) to come back, even if they are totally unsuitable. (I have certainly been there and done that).

[Doha]

Oh Scorps love you were doing so well. You are allowed this one wee setback.

He is a knob, you know that don't you.

He won't come back coz he doesn't want the responsibility of a wife and family he likes playing around too much.

This man is playing youtelling everyone how hard it ishe knows this will get back to you and give you false hope. He is playing the "poor me" card, Don't fall for it. You have your wonderful DP's and friends and family to help you through this.

You are not going to bouce back immediatly, you need to grieve for your relationship amd this will take a while. If l remember correctly you have not really been without a partner in your life since about 16?? Am l right.

You are young you have your whole life in fromt of you. Give it time, enjoy your young DC's and take pride in bringing up your children.

As l said , and as many others said--you deserve better.

[Scorps]

Ok so it's normal?

I'm 10 weeks into this now and this is the first time I've said this, and will be the only time. I haven't pushed him any further on it - I think alot of it is fear that no other man will go near me again

[Scorps]

I'm 25 and my first boyfriend was at 14 for 4 months. Then a few flings, a three yr relationship, a 10 day break and then 7 years with K. So truthfully the longest I've been single until now is a few weeks, maybe not even a month.

[partytime]

You are a very young woman and will meet someone again. I know how it feels I am single too for the first time in my life and I am 45. It is very scary and I hope I meet someone who puts me first, above himself, his job, his OW etc. It is also early days for you and all the advice and support on MN is fantastic, even if you don't believe it now. I am almost 6 months on from my break up, and do still have bad days, but many more are good.

[Besom]

You'll definitely meet someone else! Probably better not to rush into anything else too soon mind you.

[Northernlurker]

'He was worried he would have to leave me all over again.'

Oh bless the poor sausage

He left you with 3 babies and number 4 not even born. I know you miss him and what you had but he is NOT WORTH IT. No decent man would treat you like this and you deserve a milliion times better.

You will meet someone lovely one day. I know someone who was abandoned with 4 children by her useless prat of a bloke, now a few years on she is remarried to an absolute sweetheart and they have dc5 in the house too.