Help I have a crush and want it to go away - or do I?

[Isitjustme2]

Help - I am happily married and just gone back to work. Someone there has made it clear they like me and I am spending my days trying to avoid him - although when he looks at me I get butterflies and have lost my appetite (good for my trousers) but am worried what it means. I feel like I am 15 again and obsessive. I want to be with him during the day (hope I run into him etc.) but know that to even think that is terrible. I suspect it is just that after years of changing nappies, to actually feel fancied like that has blown me away - I am on a complete high. Please tell me you have felt the same - and it is just a thing for my ego that's why it feels so great - which will pass.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

isitjustme2 this is incredibly common for anyone returning to the workplace after being at home for so long. It shouldn't be anything to worry about but can I suggest that you talk to your H about it? Bringing crushes and temptations out into the open, even in a humorous fashion, takes the illicitness and secrecy away and if you really don't want an affair, this is the best way to prevent one.

The problem with crushes is that our imaginations prove to be the most erogenous zone in our bodies and it's easy to see how a line can be crossed. Treat it as normal - don't be frightened about it - laugh at yourself and if you can, giggle about it at home. It doesn't have to be threatening or scary if you don't want it to be.

If you do want it to be, you know from these boards alone that you will just make yourself and your family miserable in the long term.

[Isitjustme2]

Thank you - so much - WhenwillIfeelnormal - I think that is just what I needed to hear. I will think about how to bring it up with my DH - and agree that must be the best way to diffuse it / stop it turning into something other than in my head. The imagination can be very powerful - it's put me in a bit of a spin - thanks for helping. XX

[eatsshootsleaves]

isitjustme2 it is perfectly normal to feel flattered by the attention of another man after feeling frumpy being just a mother and a wife for a long time.

I have been there but unfortunately, my admirer turned out to be quite unpleasant and had an ulterior motive and the whole experience made me feel deeply ashamed of myself for seeing anything in him.

Of course I am not suggesting that this is going to be the case with you but some things are not what they seem. The crush will not last and if this man is honourable then he would not dare cross any lines knowing full well that you are taken.

You are doing the right thing by avoiding him. Make sure that you are not in a situation where you are alone with him.

Crushes are okay but that does not mean that you have to act on it or let it develop into something more.

[Isitjustme2]

Thanks so much eatsshootsleaves. I really appreciate being able to talk about it on here as I know I would regret mentioning it to anyone in person. Thank you for your comments. I am gradually trying to convince myself not to like him back. I think he is being honorable - our conversations are short and awkward as we try not to make too much eye contact - which makes me like him even more! Still I wont be seeing much of him soon so absence and a bit of reality back in my life should help cure it. It has been SO nice having those butterfly feelings again it has knocked me for six. I agree eatsshootsleaves, things arent always what they seem and I know I am romanticising this situation. I told my DH that someone fancies me and he said "that doesnt surprise me" and didnt ask for any other info! That made me feel quite a bit better, and added some perspective. THANK you both again. xx

[SugarTits]

Can you introduce your dh into the workspace in some way? Do people go for a drink that dh could join or come by at lunchtime to meet you. I think if your dh were to meet this chap it would lose some of the magic both for you and the other man.

[DelsParadiseWife]

'I told my DH that someone fancies me and he said "that doesnt surprise me"'

Aw, I think I have a crush on your DH now!

[Isitjustme2]

Thank you guys I dont know what I would have done without this. I will try the going out for a drink losing the magic thing - I already started bringing my kids into the conversations more which I think may have already made him act slightly more honorably. Thanks again xx

[Kiwinyc]

oh i've had this and i just try to get to know them better (I tend to go off them then!) and i also talk about my husband and kids, and eventually if possible, i introduce them in some way too.

Its v. flattering but its a fantasy and the bubble is easily burst.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

I agree wholeheartedly with the suggestion that you talk about your H and children - and also that you invite your H to work events, or have him pop into your workplace every now and then. It's a strategy that has served me very well for many years!

I remember once even this didn't seem to be working with one guy - who kept asking me to go for a drink, followed by a nice drive through a very dark forest (yikes!!)

All it took from me at that point was a "Come on, you've seen my husband, now why on earth would I want to do that?" to send him scuttling away....

Interesting about your H's reaction. He might be doing a "head in the sand" gesture though by saying what he did - and not probing further. He might actually be a little worried about it though - could you have that conversation I suggested by starting it from the point of asking him how he feels that someone might fancy you? Encourage him to open up a bit more, so that you both have a chat about temptations that happen to most people in long relationships? Encourage him to open up about when he might have had the odd crush too?