Mumsnet Talk

Still loads of love and passion, even after years together. but never knowing where your next tenner is coming from, worrying about bills every day and sometimes crying yourself to sleep at night you're so stressed. And this situation looking likely to continue for a couple of years yet. Or living alone with little money but at least it would be regular and secure. Our situation can't change, we're trapped like this for at least another 24 months. Perhaps more. There's really nothing at all we can do. I just don't know how to cope anymore. Feel like I'm having to chose between love and having peace of mind.

I would rather have someone.

thanks. My heart tells me one thing, but my head is telling me something else.

Depends why.
If my partner was loving and supportive, then personally I'd favour the temporary hardship.

But if it was ecause they were out drinking/gambling all the time I'd feel differently.

Also depends how bad the stress is? Have you talked to GP?

what do you think you should choose?

You can't cuddle cash.

antoinettechigur - dh is lovely and genuinely sorry about what has happned. He invested all our savings in a get rich quick scheme which hasn't worked. He only told me after he'd done it. We might get some of our money back in 2 years time. But only if we're very lucky. We now have no money behind us and he recently went freelance (he's an artist) so we have lost his regular salary also.

Sorry, but I'd question how much 'love and passion' you need.

What about 'trust and honesty'

Personally, I'd be f*king livid if my Dh lost all our cash in a too-good-to-be-true scheme (as all get rich quick schemes are) and then decided to be a freelance artist.

Dh and I have a tough life at the mo. He works abroad and probably does a 80+ hour week every week. I stay at home with our two young kids (both under 2)

there isn't much passion in our lives right now, but I know that he's a good, honest man who will always put his family / children first.

Sorry, that's possibly not what you want to hear and I've had about an hours sleep last night so not feeling too subtle!

Well said haribosmummy

I think theres a number of issues here.

Initially you must ask do you love your dh?

If you do then you must form some sort of plan.....you cannot live without money,can he get a regular part time job or can you?

Is there anything you can sell to raise some money?

Can you cut back on your outgoings etc?

I think its a bit much to remain a freelance artist and to have recently lost all your cash.

Hmm. My DP is a professional artist too- a bloody good one- and we are struggling for cash during this recession. He is working his arse off at the moment doing design work, building work, handyman stuff, you name it, AS WELL as his art, so his family doesn't go without. That's what people who love each other do. Oh, and we've also started playing the lottery

I would get out - if my dp was dishonest and did something behind my back without treating me like an equal...no I would have to go

He didn't have to the right to do what he did, now he paints - as he wants to , seems it is all about him.

BitofFun - What stuff does your DH do?

I'm always on the look out for good artists!!

The problem is not that he is an artist, the problem is that he is a thief.

His children are suffering because he stole their money and pissed it away.

I could be broke with someone I loved who lost lots of money, but I couldn't love someone who stole from me and our children.

Agree with Skidoodle

Well, begorrah doesn't mention children - do you have any, begorrah?

What do you do for a job?

Have a look, harimosmummy- here

True, good catch maybe no children.

Not that that makes stealing joint savings ok

so.. he lied, and used your shared savings and lost them in a hairbrained scheme.

if you love him and want to stay together do it on conditions

a) he no longer has access to savings in future

b) he gets another job as well as his free lancing so your not suffering because of his wrong doing.

if he didn't do a and b I would be gone.

he's lied, lost trust, kept it hidden from you. no exactly the behaviour of someone who respects you is it?

<<<<<HIJACK>>>>>

BitOfFun - DO you do any discounts for MNetters? I like one of the pics (the one of SG - but would like it signed by him)

CAT me please.

HM

Hey Bit of Fun, your DP is a Bit of All Right! Well tasty!

I think he needs to find something else to do to get the money back.
He needs to find a job for now that will pay the bills.

My h can be a bit rash with cash - but then he does earn it and i can always rely on him to provide for us.

He would never put us in a position where there was not enough money for bills ect.

I have to say that is one area i can trust him 100%.

Well there has been a breach of trust. Does your DH understand how much of a problem that is?
Now is not a great time to be a freelance artist. Could you sit down together and make a 2 year financial plan (with the expectation of no money back) which would maybe involve your DH working part-time. Maybe in a framers or something? Because you sound quite stressed and having a cushion would make a lot of sense.

If my DH had cocked up like that I would expect him to work his little booty off to earn back the money lost. Why did he make the decision to be a freelance artist now of all times? You need to be firm with him. Can you do some work to help out so all the pressure is not on him - I know he deserves it but it helps to know you are in this together....

Are there debts or has he just blown all your savings?