control freak moi?

[earwaxbanisher]

Dh came in from work last night sat down after his dinner and spent the next two hours on laptop,when i asked him to knock it off so we could spend some time together he launched into how controlling i am,that i dont own him and he will do as he likes.This turned into a big quite nasty argument anyway i have realised that i have become moaney,naggy and so on but only when im around him i feel he is draining the life from me and im not even sure why we are together other then the kids.

[heQet]

On the face of it, that doesn't seem controlling at all! - you wanted to spend some quality time as a family.

I suppose it depends how you said it though.

Tell him what you've said here. Exactly what you've said here.

[earwaxbanisher]

I just said why dont you knock that off so we can spend some time together,his attitude is if he is in the same room as you thats spending time together even if he is on the playstation or computer,i just dont like who im becoming but am stuck with him as we have dcs

[heQet]

I suppose if he's in a mood, that could have come across naggy

Maybe going up to him, putting your arms around him and saying "Fancy a cuppa? We could sit on the sofa together and have a natter. I missed you today." is the sort of thing that would get the result you want?

But that's if you want to find a way to improve things with him. Maybe it's gone beyond that? Have you considered relate?

And you're not stuck with him, not if you seriously don't want to be. Many women are single parents. You always have a choice.

[earwaxbanisher]

He really isnt that bad,more a case of getting together very young seven years on we are both very different people,He is a great dad and i wouldnt want to put dcs in a broken home type situation because my life is not the romance novel i think it should be have made my bed just have to lie in it

[heQet]

Or make it the romance novel you think it should be yourself. It doesn't have to be the man to bring the romance. If you want it - do it! You might be surprised just how much a man loves a bit of romance

[earwaxbanisher]

Think im passed bothering dhs idea of being romantic is to tell me he might propose to me next year!
we are together 7 years,living together 6 and have two dcs why now has he decided im the onei was happier when i thought he just wasnt into marriage turns out he is just after 8 or so years not that i want to marry him anyway.Who proposes to propose is that to save on a ring i i say no?

[heQet]

Maybe he senses you're not happy?

[earwaxbanisher]

i could draw a sad face on my head and it would go past him if it doesnt affect him he doesnt notice if i say im unhappy about the relationship or something he does he says "get rid of me or get over it".that doesnt leave much room for talking about things

[Bumpety]

Okay, it's quite clear this isn't about the computer argument at all and you just don't want to be there, yes?

Children are better off being from a broken home than an unhappy one - if you don't want to make it work and don't want to try to make it a happy environment then you shouldn't stay with him

[heQet]

Oh dear. That sounds awful. Do you think he also wants out of the marriage?

[earwaxbanisher]

we dont usually row and never in front of dcs we dont row because there is no point nothing changes.Ive given him every oportunity to go he just doesnt i think we still love each other just dont particularly like each other anymore.no screaming or shouting just not really caring what each other says or does.I really think when the dcs have grown and left there will be no other reason for this relationship

[heQet]

That's really sad to read, earwax. You deserve so much more. You both do.

[earwaxbanisher]

Thats the thing i think i it wasnt for dcs we would never have stayed together this long i certainly wouldnt have didnt realise it sounded sad think im just used to it or think all relationships end up like this after a few years

[heQet]

No, they don't. It's not a nice way for either of you to live.

And not great for the kids either. They absorb more than us adults think they do. When the time comes for them to find their own partners - what will they look for?