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Gettiny married in 6 months so why do i feel like...

4 replies

mumnotarobot · 08/03/2010 18:08

???
Been with my partner for 5 years. It hasnt been a honeymoon ride. We have had our ups and downs as with many relationships. In the very beginning he was my anchor a life saver you'd say. I highly depended on him. We moved in otgether too soon and cracks began to appear. Somehow we managed to get through the years. My family loves him etc. But i still after 5 years dont feel connected to his or his friends. In fact i have only been to three family functions throughout the 5years we have been together. I dont know any of his friends even though they ALL seem to know about me. We dont seem to have a social life at all. Most of my friends know him and have met him and he has been to many of my friends and family functions. Ive spokent to him about how im feeling and he doesnt seem to think its a problem. As far as he's concerned everyone is very busy and he doesnt really socialise with them thats why i havent met them all. Also i have a 7 year old son who my partner has helped to raise. My son calls him daddy.
I love him and i know he loves me...but i feel so lonely and kept apart from his 'other' life. Ps we dont live together.

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mumnotarobot · 08/03/2010 18:10

pls excuse the spelling errors. I forgot to say, any advice or constructive comment would be galdly appreciate.
Thanks xxx

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Beasknees · 08/03/2010 18:14

was it your choice to not go to more of his family functions/ meet his friends. if so maybe you need to break that ice.

why aren't you living together and do you intend to once you get married?

put the wedding on hold though- and talk to him about the gaps you feel are there.

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ineedahero · 08/03/2010 18:23

Does he know the extent to which the way you're feeling might affect your relationship? I know that lots of men think that problems women have can be very trivial, until you spell out the fact that it will have a bigger consequense. i.e explain to your partner that if the two of you don't address and try to fix the way you are feeling, you may not get married.

You might find that if you explain it that way - not in an accusatory way (don't say, I won't marry you if you don't change), but in a 'this is the way I'm feeling and I'm afraid that it's making me wonder whether our marriage will be everything I need it to be' type of way.

Of course, if you've done that and he still doesn't think it matters, he is basically saying that your feelings, which in my opinion are valid, don't matter.

HTH but I'm sure someone will come along who can say it better than I can x

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mumnotarobot · 08/03/2010 18:31

Beesknees...sometimes his family functions /events were told to me at last min notice and i werent always preapred. And most times i would find out about them through his mum.

We arent living together simply because i wanted to do things the right way...whatever that means. Not that im implying that co-habitation is bad, each to their own. We did try living together and it did not work. But yes, if the wedding goes ahead, of course we will be living as a family.

ineedahero... thanks for the advice. It seems ive tried your technique and for a little while it seemed he 'got it' but of course nothing changed.

I just dont want to be taken for granted. I feel useless and forgotten. I dont get taken out, im always at home cooking, and i dont get flowers, i dont get invited to functions...i dont even know why im still in this relationship.