I am lonely and a complete billy no mates

[Shufflingroundthesides]

I have namechanged because i have posted about this before and i am embarrassed that nothing has changed.
People always let me down
I am a good friend
Why the hell cant i find a friend like me?
I had to sit at soft play again today alone .while all around me were groups of mums chatting away.It hammered home to me how lonely i feel sometimes.
Dont know how i will ever change this situation?
I have one friend atm who i have known all my life but she comes in out of my life depending on whats happening in her life at the time.
Thats it

[CaitlinMeringue]

awww that is very sad

you say that you have posted about this before

do you think that you might be a bit depressed?

[Rindercella]

Oh poor you, that is really rubbish.

How old are your DC? As you were at soft play today then I am guessing pre-school age? Is there any way you can try and join a group - either a mother & toddler group (although I personally hate these), or something your DC like doing - singing, dancing, whatever?

Whereabouts are you (roughly)? Can you have a look at the MN meet-up thread for something close to you, or put a call-out on your MN local site to see if anyone is in similar circumstances and would like to meet up. Go to NetMums and see what their local meet up site is like - they tend to have more going on than MN.

When DD was first born - really for the first 12-18 months of her life I sort of felt like you. I had friends, but they were all miles away and so we would only occasionally meet up. I knew no-one locally. Thankfully that has now changed and I have made some fabulous local friends, but it was bloody hard and bloody lonely at times. Well done you though for venturing out to soft play by yourself - not something I would have been brave enough to do.

[GypsyMoth]

i sit alone at soft play too....but its ok,i dont come from this area...everyone here seems to have known everyuone else since school

any mumsnetters nearby??

[Portofino]

I've been there, done that. It is HARD and very miserable. Sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone and go for it a bit. Very hard I know, especially if you aren't feeling confident. Baby steps. Smile at people. Make a nice comment about someone's child if you get the chance.

Investigate groups you could join. Book clubs, local MN groups, NCT, anything you are interested in. I have never chatted to a soul at soft play. Usually I am there because it is raining, and have no make up on. I probably LOOK miserable and unfriendly. But under different circumstances, I have forced myself out and met some lovely people.

[TheCrackFox]

If you live in Edinburgh I will gladly be your friend.

I know I am going to sound like a traitor but Netmums have a great local section with regular meet ups and "meet a friend" section.

It is sadly very common to be a young mum and have no friends.

[Heated]

Soft play is the work of the devil! Would try something where you do interact and can talk more with parents, maybe messyplay or tumbletots.

But where are you? Bet you'd make a great friend.

[Shufflingroundthesides]

Yes i am depressed but that is not why i have no friends (as i do not put my worries onto others)having no friends depresses me more.
At the school gates there are a few people who say hi but thats it.Everyone it seems is in some sort of clique and doesnt stray out side of it.

I just never seem to fit in with people .
Have met mnetters before but nothing more comes from it.

My youngest dc is 4

Thanks for replying

[bargainhuntingbetty]

Where are you in the world??????

[Shufflingroundthesides]

ThecrackFox-I wish i did live in Edinburgh

[EssenceOfJack]

Oh you do sound unhappy.

How old are your DC's? I found I am still meeting new people now when DD1 is 4 and have lots more in common with them than someof the other mum friend I met 4 years ago.

WRT softplay, I do tend to go with friends so I already have people to talk to. I wouldn't say it's the best place to meet a new friend as most of us just want to get the hll out of there.

Do you go to playgroups? I go to one which is very convenient but until recently had no-one to talk to. I started helping without asking, collecting plates etc and picking up toys when it was tidy up time and gradually started chatting to the mums that ran it. Once they were talking to me then the others all started. Silly but it seemed like they didn't want to speak to the 'lone' mum.

[Rindercella]

What makes the loneliness seems worse is that everyone says, when you have a baby you will make loads of friends. Then of course you don't - you're all too engrossed in your newborns, sleep deprived, etc., so then you feel rubbish, a failure because you can't even do a simple thing like make new 'Mummy friends'. It takes time, and it takes a certain amount of bravery.

[Shufflingroundthesides]

Ah dont really want to say on here where i am as it would make me recognisable(silly i know)

[Shufflingroundthesides]

I dont go to playgroups and never have really because its the same story there. And my youngest goes to nursery every morning except monday.

[GypsyMoth]

no,i understand....nowhere near bedfordshire then?

[Shufflingroundthesides]

Sadly not

[Heated]

Sometimes I do think that simply by virtue of having children in the same vicinity isn't enough to bond you. More chance making friends through your own common interests - what are you into?

And totally understand what you are saying about feeling lonely, we moved to a small town due to dh's job leaving behind established friends and was at the lowest point of my life on maternity leave after having dc1. It is very cliquey here too, ppl never leave the area and socialise with family and the friends they went to school with. My friends are actually through work which is quite a commute away because we have a common shared interest. Just wondered if there where any opportunities like that for you?

[bargainhuntingbetty]

What about Livingston, are you from near there??

[Heated]

Am never clued in to where ppl live in RL on here but am midlands based, although used to live in London, Kent, Leeds and Nottinghamshire. Even if you don't want to meet ppl on here (never have, am too shy and retiring ) it's nice to talk about things in common and places you know.

[Shufflingroundthesides]

Heated-Good question
What am i into? i Dont really do anything other than the internet(couple of hours in the evening after work).I work alone and i work evenings so no opportunites to make work friends.My dh and i dont have a social life and he only has work friends really.

[bargainhuntingbetty]

Is there something that you can do for you??? I used to be terribly shy and didnt really have friends., My mum and someone I knew at dd's nursery persuaded me to do a creche training course 1 day a week. It was the hardest thing i have ever done as I didnt want to sit with people I didnt know etc but now 3 years on it is totally the best thing I have ever done. I have lots of friends to chat to and have a good job with people I love working with.

Are there any Sure Start groups in your area. There are a lot of people in similar curcumstance to you in these groups??

[GypsyMoth]

have lived in 3 out of those 4 places heated....and others too

[Shufflingroundthesides]

Whereabouts are you based then Heated?

Not near Livingston

[TheCrackFox]

How about evening classes? Or weekend classes?

PTA can be good for meeting friends.

[Heated]

Dh is more sociable than me - is yours? Any chance of inviting work friends round for BBQ? (maybe not in this weather though brr!)

But also be fair to yourself, running around after 4dcs leaves little time for socialising.

What kind of work do you do? (no idea if that would identify you though)

[Shufflingroundthesides]

Dh is less sociable than me lol
I have 2 dc heated my youngest is 4

I cant do an evening class because of work
I have to collect dd at lunchtime so that limits my mornings slightly.