nothing to talk about

[atcrossroads]

can a relationship work if there is nothing apart from the kids to talk about?

me and DP have been together for years, the relationship hasnt been an easy one to say the least.

we have different friends, very rarely do we socilise together, most evenings we hardly talk to each and when we do its about the kids

dont get me wrong sometimes we can have fun together, when were both in a good mood or it involves the kids. but its not often.

but we cant watch the same films, listen to the same music, and we see our own friends seperatly.

can relationships like this really work or does it eventully come between you?

(i have name changed due to DP snooping earlier and may not be back till later.)

tia

[toobusytoobusy]

Sounds familiar, see my recent post..... I don't know if it can work for you as we're all different, I do know that for me I have to pull my head out of the sand and do something about a separation because for me, a relationship like that is just not working, I have realised from today that sticking together for the kids isn't the answer as our lives are just toooo separate.

I guess eventually the kids will leave home, so if not know it will become an issue at some point. And you have to consider what your expectations of a relationship are...? Your situation sounds a little like mine, but I no longer could even class us as having a relationship as there seems nothing between us. Good luck anyway x

[atcrossroads]

thank you for you reply, i had a quick look at your thread earlier but will have a proper look tommorow.

me and DP had a really rough time about 18 months ago as he broke his leg and we both dealt with it really badly, but feelings were lost on my part.

i decided to stick with it though and some feeling did come back, but not as it was before. he is still out of work since his accident which i find hard,

even when things are good between us i can sometimes question the relationship, but the last 8 days we havent been so good and its been really hard. i think i may have said something when drunk that had upset him and knocked him. ( i went to see the chippendales and may have talked about them too much iykwim)

and he also got funny over me having the phone number of a mates husband because she never has her phone on, which desended into a huge row that we havent recovered from yet.

i am running all these question through my mind, mainly the ones in my op. but it is scareing me about it as i do love him, but its in what way i have to decide.

[gtamom]

Can you go to a couples retreat or something, to get some guidance?
Do you respect each others wishes?
Say he asked you to not go to the strip bar with your friends, what would you do?

[atcrossroads]

the difficulty i have is being able to talk, when we have tried before i clam up and get scared, even if hes in the wrong, even more so if im in the wrong.

i think there is still love between us, but councilling (sp) i found very difficult to do.

when it comes to respect each others wishes, its a difficult one to answer as there have been things that i would do if he asked, but i have always let him do what he wants, he can go out when he wants and never really give him restrictions.

with the phone number thing i stood my ground and refused to remove it because i think he was being unreasonable about me having it.

i was 18 when we first got together and he is a very insecure person. i have always tried to make him secure even when his securities were slightly over the top, but over the last year i have noticed a huge change in myself, in the way that i think i have really grown up in my mind and see things differently. and that is possibly where these issues in my mind have come from.

im going to leave at that for a while, im sorry if im not making sense, its all so confusing.