HEART IS BROKEN

[EmmaBridgewater956]

Found out on Saturday my fiance has kissed somneone else - my oldest friend told me as knows who the woman is.

We have been together three and half years, planning to have a baby this year.

Am devestated. Cant sleep, cant eat, blacked out in the shower this morning trying to get myself to work and feel like no enErgy left in my body.

Sure this is minor Compared to people whose husbands have had full blown affairs. How do you get the trust back or is it impossible?

[GypsyMoth]

only you know if this isn a dealbreaker or not.....once trust is gone,imo you dont ever get it back

[EmmaBridgewater956]

Thought he was the last person on earth who would ever hurt me.

[EmmaBridgewater956]

It was three weeks ago. He denied it for about 15 hours until I said I would phone the women in question and ask why whe was lying if this was the case. Think it it the lies and promises and swearing he didnt throughout Satruday night/ morning that upsets me most.

Thank you for replying.

[GypsyMoth]

do you think it was just a kiss and no more?
what were the circumstances....and how did your friend know what happened?

[EmmaBridgewater956]

My friend was chatting to her friend about our wedding and getting excited - her friend then said she had heard this rumour. My friend went straight to woman in question (who she had met a few times) and asked her what happened. She said kiss only. My friend then called her back to double check this after she told me on Saturday and my fiance was denying it so adamantly.

He says she launched herself at him, he kissed her back and then pushed her off.

If someone thre themselves at him I dont believe he wouldnt have just told me.

Now I dont know what to believe.

[EcoMouse]

He kissed her back then pushed her off, after she ^launched herself at him? No. Something's not right there emma.

Have you eaten today? Blacking out is not good! I understand how distressing this must be for you but don't neglect your body. You need strength, sleep and energy for emotional clarity.

[GypsyMoth]

i think if it was just a kiss he wouldn't have denied it so vehemently (sp?)

when you feel able,i'd push further...he will be in damage limitation mode

so many stories on here start with a kiss,then a bit more and on it goes..

[EmmaBridgewater956]

Thats what I thought. It is trying to turn it on her and make the situation sound as though wasnt his fault. Just dont believe it. He has been amazing until now. Doenst have a track record of being a knob.

[SheWillBeLoved]

He's blaming her because she isn't around to defend herself. What a cowardly shit. "She launched herself on me, I didn't want it, I pushed her away straight away!" is such a textbook excuse for this kind of crap.

I'd be getting my friend to dig deeper with the other woman. Getting her to say something like "She knows everything now anyway, he admitted it all. Why would you do that?" - hopefully she'd fall into the trap and spill what happened and say how they didn't mean for it to blah blah blah.

Take care of yourself. Go and eat something, you're never going to get to the bottom of this passed out on the bathroom floor

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

Emma, in answer to your question about trust - it comes back through honesty - and it doesn't come back straightaway. Your DP hasn't been honest - you've had to drag this out of him - and even now, you're getting a distorted version of events.

Where did this kiss happen? I'm assuming for others to know about it, this must have been in a public place? What contact has he had with this woman in recent times?

In situations like this, it is never "just a kiss", even if that is all that has happened. Underlying this are deceit, lies and subterfuge. It would have been different (but still an important catalyst) if he had returned shame-faced and admitted it to you.

Find out the true facts, establish what led up to the kiss and then insist your DP deals with his lying and deceit.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Difficult
my DH kissed someone before we were engaged. We were in a LDR and he got drunk on NYE. He told me eventually (I got pg soon after it happened and MC, I can see why he waited) but he did tell me of his own volition. I have no other reason not to trust him so I let it go.

I kissed someone before we got married. It was a mistake, I was out drinking and there was a man there who I knew had always fancied me. I flirted with him. Obviously didn't intend to kiss him but I was being out of order. He kissed me, I responded for 3 seconds, then stopped and went home. I wouldn't tell DH and would deny it if he asked me. I have learnt a lesson about playing with fire, as did he after his kiss. The fact that I wouldn't fess up doesn't make me any more likely to do it again.

That said, if DH (or I) did it a second time that would be different. I believe everyone is allowed a mistake as long as you learn from it.