ExP, now single, back in contact - don't know what to do

[scaredoflove]

Back story - divorced exH 12 years ago, been single since, apart from this one relationship. Eight months in, I discover he wasn't single and had been living with his partner and her children for 10 years. I had no idea and was shocked, especially as we saw each other nearly every night and he stayed over when my kids were away at dad's. We also had a holiday together

I dumped him but we got back in touch a month later and he gave all the promises he would leave to be with me, he even told his poor partner, this went on for two months. I finally gave him a week to decide. He wanted to move in with me, I said no, he needed to have his own place. He decided to stay where he was, I moved on and cut contact. I am highly ashamed I didn't move on when I found out

Fast forward 5 years. He has since left original partner and married someone else. This has now broken down and he is single and finally in his own place

So he contacts me. I was polite, we had a conversation, I said no to meeting him but he could add me on facebook which he did. This meant his family could see me and they all knew about me from before. His mother and sister messaged me to say he was a fool, he is single now, sorry that they didn't get to know me before. I had spoken to his father during our relationship and he also told me I was the best thing to ever happen to his son (slightly odd family it would seem)

So now I'm thinking, I really did like/love him. We had a great time. I'd like to meet him again. My kids however hate him and were very disappointed and angry to know he has been in touch (20 - 15 year olds, they know about him being dishonest and a cheater)

Do I disregard my childrens feelings, do I disregard all the lies and give him a chance? I just don't know what to do. It doesn't help that I'm so very lonely and have just had a mini relationship with another arsehole that turned out badly

Sorry this is so long but I am so torn with what to do

[traumaqueen]

Step Away From The Serial Cheating B

Believe his family (he is a fool) and your children (he is a dishonest cheat). Believe yourself (he is a liar and untrustworthy).

Buy a rabbit if you are lonely - either type.

[scaredoflove]

rabbits of either variety don't really help with the loneliness and lack of physical contact but you did make me laugh

I know what you say is true and I should get this out of my head, I was happy, I just want to be happy again

[AnyFucker]

I wouldn't have ever forgiven the first set of lies

please do not let your (temporary) loneliness transform this fickle, selfish, serial-shagging character into a knight in shining armour

he is not

and don't get back with him, for a bit of fun, or to play him at his own game, thinking you can keep emotions out of it

you can't

when he tires of you, he will dump you for the next one

he showed his true colours all those years ago

who cares if you were the best thing that ever happened to him ? This isn't about him, this is about you and he is a long way from being any sort of prospect

delete him off FB, don't get sucked back in because of a "might-have-been", or 'cos his family want to see him settle down

disengage, completely, would be my advice

hold out for a nice bloke

[mrsboogie]

oh please, please listen to what everyone above has said.

If you let anything happen you will look back in six months time and wish you hadn't.

He has clearly cheated on every woman who had the misfortune to end up with him since you had the common sense to dump him.

Why would you have less sense now?

Your children are 100% RIGHT!

Wait for the decent guy!

[hobbgoblin]

I'd say 'oooh give it a go' and if anyone's advice is the advice to ignore it is mine because I am the person that gets pooed upon from great heights due to low self esteem and general foolishness.

You have been so much stronger, braver and wiser than I ever could be so don't join my ranks of fuckwittedness now.

I know what loneliness does, I do. However, heartbreak and regret is like loneliness with loads of other shit added.

[BlackJackScroggins]

very brave SOL to not namechange, brava!

Everyone else is right. You know it really, don't you?

I know how tempting it seems, all those good times, laughs and sex...yum yum...

but they don;t make up for the lies and disappointment and heartache.

You are worth so much more than that. Go girl!

[groundhogs]

Erm, here's the shocker, he left his original partner, got married and now he's split up after 5 years???

How exactly are you not surprised, OP, that he's 'back on the market'?

Him contacting you now is just him using the 'Fast Lane' to a shag.... it's a booty call.

DON'T get deeper in with his family, extricate yourself, say your goodbyes to his family, to be polite to them....

but thenm GO woman GO!

RUN LIKE THE SODDING WIND!