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Need some advice please

3 replies

desperatlyseekinghapiness · 31/01/2010 17:35

I just need some advice as Im going out of my mind and havent got anyone in RL to talk to and have no family.
I cant give alot of info as my H knows Im a regular on here. My DH had an affair about 10 months ago and since patching everything up decided that as we have been together for 10 years and that I do love him wanted to repair the relationship. At the time I got advice off here and it was brilliant, the ladies that helped me were a godsend. I know some part of the break down in our relationhip was mine so have been trying my hardest to move on. Now and again I look at him and want to scream at him, we never had any councilling as H said we didnt need it and that it was just a stupid mistake and that he was ill and he doesnt want it mentioned again, nice eh. Well from time to time I feel really hurt and embarressed as of this fling but cant say nothing as he flies off the handle and says its int he past I thought we were moving on.
The thing that has really got me today is that I still check even though I told him I dont his history on his works comp and hes searched for the OW name last week. Since comming back from his buisness trip with work he kept the thing in the car and by accident left it out while doing the boot out. I cant confront him as he will go of on one or lie I think. I just need to know what would you do if you were me. Thanks x

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/01/2010 18:00

I think you need to sit him down and have a very serious talk. If he was searching for the OW, at least he's probably not in touch with her, which is a positive, but plainly things between you are not resolved.

If he "goes off on one" or lies, I think you have to consider your future very carefully. You may have been together for 10 years, but can you face another 40?

If he won't go for counselling with you, can you go alone?

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 31/01/2010 19:38

You asked for advice if we were you, so here it is. That discovery must have really hurt. It seems clear from your post that nothing really got resolved last time and you allowed him to move on without getting to the root cause of his infidelity. It is not too late to do that.

It doesn't sound like you are very open with one another, so if you don't want to declare your latest discovery, I would be saying that you feel you cannot get past what happened and if the marriage is to continue, you insist you both go to counselling.

As a separate issue, however, I would be very concerned about living with a man who "goes off on one" after the emotional abuse of an affair. Sounds like he is still abusive, I'm afraid.

Please keep telling yourself too that regardless of any faults that were yours in the relationship, infidelity and deceit are always wrong.