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Relationships

Betrayal, Prostitution, Moving On

4 replies

overcomingbetrayal · 18/01/2010 13:12

I split from exh about a year and a half ago. He was always prone to being very aggressive and violent. He didn't hit me but would shout and break things. I began to suspect that he might be unfaithful as he was paranoid about phone. I did a lot of checking up and it appeared he was having sex with foreign women. I didn't catch him in the act but there was a lot of evidence that added up to this.

I confronted him with evidence that I discovered and he became very violent. He tried to come up with rational explanations for everything. I had a long haul to get him out of the house. I involved the police but it took time to have him removed from the house and he assaulted me on many occasions, despite having police involved and orders in place. The last few incidents were in front of dc's.

Finally, the police arrested him and he was court ordered out of the house and to keep away from me. This is still not finalised and he will most likely be jailed for the assaults he carried out.Within weeks of moving out of the house he opened what appeared to be a legitimate business but what is actually a front for a brothel.

I also found out that he was involved with a lot of foreign women and had to get a full std check.To say my world was torn appart would be an understatement. I am only now starting to feel able to leave the trauma behind.

I never felt able to tell anyone about this as I still loved exh and it took a long time to accept what he had done. I have always spoken well about him for dc's sake and have resisted all temptation to tell the world what he is really like.

When I met exh he was separated with dc's. I took his dc's on as my own and still have a good relationship with them today, they are grown up now. They know it is exh that was in the wrong but do not know any details of split except my dc's have told them about violent incidents.

My question is should I tell them what their father is involved in?? His actions have already caused them hurt and I was trying to spare them from further hurt. I am having second thoughts now however, do they have a right to know?? The police are investigating the prostitution, exh does not know this. If the investigation is successful it will become public knowledge. Police are unsure at present as exh has a lot of contacts in high places so investigation could end up disappearing.

Exh had very little contact with older dc's previously but recently seems to be pulling them in and I have no idea what he has told them. He has become very malicious and lies about everything. He is capable of telling them anything, for example that I was having an affair. Should I protect myself and destroy their image of their father or should I just allow him to say whatever he wants?

OP posts:
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RonNumber · 18/01/2010 13:13

no dont tell them anything

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Tortington · 18/01/2010 13:15

nope - don't tell.

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GypsyMoth · 18/01/2010 13:17

i would tell them if they came to me direct and actually asked what had gone on. but if they are adults now then no,dont go out of your way to inform them of it

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skidoodle · 18/01/2010 13:20

I don't know about this.

I would certainly tell them if it was going to come out and nobody else was going to give them a head's up about what was coming.

Otherwise, I would leave it alone.

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