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Relationships

Am totally messed up and cracking up.

5 replies

renata66 · 17/01/2010 22:11

I have been married for 21 years and have a dd 14 and a ds16.Have always thought we had totally solid relationship every one thinks so. Dh used to be a bit argumentative but I never ever considered leaving him even through times when we haven't got on.
A year ago I met someone else. I have been in turmoil ever since. I actually kissed om, and didn't go to work for 2 days because I was so disgusted with myself. He has a partner of 25 years but they do not get on and he sleeps in the spare room.
At first it was a total infatuation.Last summer we stopped it, I was devastated, we both were but could not live with the guilt.
Stupidly it kicked off again, then beginning of christmas we stopped it as it was so wrong. We have not seen each other for 2 months, total non contact, then we bump into each other and the feelings are stronger than ever before.
We have spent the last week talking about this. He wants me to be with him has said this for months. I cannot get him out of my head, even when I dont see him. We have said I have got to tell him if i am committed beacause he def is, he will move out and i will tell dh I am unhappy and we will do it properly,
However I am so scared of making the biggest mistake of my life. I know the grass isn't greener om def has his faults thats for sure, but its like we belong together.
My dh adores me so much it is like he worships me but it gets overpowering. I know I don't feel the same about him as he does me or this would never have started.
Me and om are meeting for serious talk tomorrow then he goes away for 8 weeks and this is decision time because we are cracking each other up.
Dh tells me I am perfect he is so lucky and i want to scream at him that I am not what he thinks i am, i don't deserve him.
He suspected i was having an affair but i told him i wasn't and have tried so hard to get it back with him but i can't because selfishly I want om. I must be an idiot.
How do I do it to my dh and even if I get over that, what about my children? A lot of time it is just me and them dh is away a lot as is om but dh is sill their dad even if he is away more than he is home. I am tired and ill with this and so unhappy. Do i wreck all these lives to be with someone else or do I stay where I am for everyone else? I really just want to tell dh everything, but my ds is doing his gcses at the moment, i can't.Also so scared to hurt everybody, I hate this situation.

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NanaNina · 17/01/2010 22:26

I think you are far too mixed up emotionally to make any life changing decision at this point in time. The only thing I can suggest is that you buy yourself some time with a good counsellor/psychotherapist who will help you to explore your underlying feelings in the hope that whatever decision you make about your future is not made in the midst of this emotional turmoil. Counsellors usually charge around £40/£50 per hour or if you can't afford it you can make an appt with Relate whose charges are less I think and are geared towards what you can afford.

Do hope things work out for you, but please don't do anything in haste that you may live to regret.

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renata66 · 17/01/2010 22:31

Thanks, I have acutually been to 5 sessions of counselling by myself.I went to to the drs cos honestly thought I was going to crack up. I don't eat or sleep, and the thing is I don't know when the right time to make the decision is because this turmoil won't go away. My dh is home next week am dreading it and om is going away for 8 weeks to give me space but we have done this 8 week thing before and the feelings are still there. I am sure if it weren't for the dcs I would do it.

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 18/01/2010 23:45

Is this you Amy?

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kinnies · 18/01/2010 23:49

Is it a good idea to 'out' people on here?

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 19/01/2010 00:22

Amy is a previous poster's name, not a real name Kinnies. I posted loads of advice before about a virtually identical set of circumstances and don't want to repeat myself. I would never out a real person.

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