Drained by conversation with ExH

[norksinmywaistband]

STBExH has just returned DC from contact, and asked if he could have a chat, so we settled DC to bed together then sat down with a coffee.
I know he has just recieved his divorce petition and is probably smarting from this so was well prepared for a difficult conversation.
But OMG, he is seriously fucked up in the head, kept asking if I was sure it was what I wanted and how he didn't want anything from the house then the next minute saying he wouldn't talk to me about financial stuff as he didn't want an arguement
Then just as he was leaving asked if I still loved him - when I said no, he broke down , stepped outside and shut the door then sat sobbing on the doorstep for 15 minutes.

I remained really calm and I am sure he thought I was a hard nosed bitch, but I just try and keep it together

Just want everything finished and done so we both have a level playing feild so we can be parents to our DC

[Heqet]

Maybe it is only with that bit of paper that the reality has hit him? Or maybe it is plain old fashioned woe is me manipulation

Just stay calm, and distanced and don't get dragged into it all.

[norksinmywaistband]

Think it's a bit of both tbh. Don't think he ever really believed I would divorce him, even after everything.
It was really awkward though with him sat on the doorstep, didn't know quite what to do - so I made a cup of tea and had a fag

[Heqet]

I think that was probably the best thing. If you start letting him think his behaviour can affect you, you're screwed!

Or you could have opened the letterbox and said, do you mind crying quietly, I can't hear the tv.

[lilac21]

norks, I think you handled it perfectly. He'll get over it, don't waste any more of your time or energy on him.

[norksinmywaistband]

I think it was so draining as I am new to having to cope with it and he switches tack every 5 minutes.
Never sure what I am going to have to deal with on a daily basis

[Anniegetyourgun]

Why the blazes should he be upset if you don't still love him? It's not as if he gave a flying two finger salute for your feelings before.

Pffft.

[norksinmywaistband]

No idea Annie, I am not even sure if I believe he is that upset, and if he is then is because he realises what a twat he was.
He never felt this bad last year when had his cake and was eating it did he

[Hassled]

I don't think you could have handled it any better than you did. The stark reality of it all has obviously hit home, and it's upset him - you can't make it better. Just keep telling yourself that your happiness is important too .

[Heqet]

he'll be feeling sorry for himself. Watch yourself because it is a hop, skip and a jump to you being the bad guy and him the innocent victim of your unreasonableness.

Amazing how many of these men feel so bad about what they've done - when they get caught.

[norksinmywaistband]

well I have now had 13 texts since I started this thread, you would think he would get the message that I am not going to reply by now

[tiredoftherain]

Well done norks, no way to handle that one easily, don't know what I'd have done in the same position but don't think I could have done as well as you!

Maybe turn your phone off if he's still bothering you, you don't need any more hassle this evening!

[norksinmywaistband]

Phone is on silent, so not disturbing me as such.
Need to keep it on though as I am keyholder for the 2 elderly ladies I look after and if they fall it's me that gets called

[tiredoftherain]

Has he stopped now?

[Hunibee]

Norks, I agree with the others here.

He's out of options. He's trying the childish 'sobbing' tactic - within hearing distance of you , just to make sure you know how upset he is. (Next time hand him a soother!)

So upset that he was willing to betray you for at least a whole year.

As for the divorce petition, he can read it and weep.

He's having to get used to the real world of grown ups. He's realising that everything has its cost.

You stick in there, you are doing so well, and focus on the good things you have ahead of you - without him!

[norksinmywaistband]

Texts finally stopped at 11pm.
Hopefully after a night of sleep he will realise what a cock he looked last night some hope.

[AnyFucker]

"You'll have to cry me out..."

Boo fucking hoo

It is not your responsibilty to make him feel better when he is "upset". Well done for being a hard bitch.

You have to be norks, you have to stay cold and frozen towards him for your own preservation.

He wants to manipulate your feelings. You have had a skinful of that. His turn to fucking cry.

[norksinmywaistband]

LOL AF I nearly put that on last night full blast next to the front door, but didn't want to respond in anyway, did cross my mind though

[Anniegetyourgun]

What about that nice colleague who was so sympathetic when you weren't giving him enough attention; isn't it her job to dry his tears now?

You notice btw it's still all about him. What he has lost. Do you still love him? Not, oh my god Norks I am SO SORRY for what I put you through, I do not deserve your love or forgiveness but I want you to know I'll make things as easy as possible for you because you deserve at least that much consideration. No, he goes all waily waily guilt trippy on your doorstep. Self centred arse.