just dont know wat to do !!!

[merryxmasfellowbumps]

im 28weeks pg and have been with bf just over a year, i know (not very long) it all did happen fast but def dont regret starting a family !
i can be quite a jealous person anyway but pregnancy has made me feel more insecure about my self and our relationship, i just always check him with everything , like im looking for him to slip up. ( he never has before )
like tonight for a start i went out to see jimmy carr at the oxford theatre was the first time iv been out in ages , felt uneasy about going tbh as didnt know wat bf would get up too , as everytime he goes out i sit at home like the mug waiting all night i hate it !! , so i asked that he could not go out and get bladdered and wait in for me . . . .(probably wrong of me i know ), i text him on the interval , no reply , so called him . .no answer, so then wen i finally get hold of him he says he saw i was ringing but just didnt answer , thought he would text me instead , which in my state of mind justs set my imagination on a wild ride. i come home to him snoring on sofa , i wake him up to go up,and no gdnite kiss nuffin , then just as i thought he had gone to sleep he starts with he feels like a child, argues with me saying . . .. wat do i do for fun ??, basically the point he was trying to reach was im bitter cos i cant have a drink whilst pregnant , which isnt the case , i just feel like im losing it just miserable completly !! so now consequently im sleeping on the sofa !! whilst he is sleeping quite peacefully (only cos of beer), just dunno wat to do , i hate admitting that im wrong or have a problem wen it comes to jealousy but it cant be al me , surely he needs to understand that i cant be happy and up for anything 24/7 .
please sum1 help by giving some freindly advice . . . .

[CelticStarlight]

I think you know that you do have a problem with jealousy and if you don't get it under control then you will drive your partner away.

I trust my husband completely as he has never given me cause to doubt him, it should be the same for you otherwise you will just drive yourself doolally. Why should your partner have to stay in because you are insecure? It's not fair, particularly if he has never given you reason to mistrust him.

I think you need to think about how you can stop being so jealous. I know you are pregnant and your hormones are all over the place, but you can't take that out on your partner. If he is a good and kind man then he has a right to his own space without you questioning his honesty and trustworthiness.

[cheesesarnie]

i think being heavily pregnant doesn't help.
dh and i got together and got pregnancy very quickly too.we hadn't really had a chance to get to know each other properly before we became a family.we had to try that bit harder.we've had problems,hes the more jealous one -not to your extent.

id say you are in danger of pushing him away.could you try relate or counselling?

[merryxmasfellowbumps]

i know that i def have a problem with jealousy , its a mixture of having unfaithfull people in my life before him and never feeling like a home was a home for years and now i have the house the bf and soon the baby its all alot and in a very short amount of time.
iv said to him about how insecure im feeling and he is understanding to a extent .
i also suffer with a ocd with doors and windows , since getting this house you can imagine how ridiculous thats got !
sockets , lights . . ..feel stupid saying all this and people laugh wen i tell them but something as small as popping to the shop is a nightmare.
bottom line is i know that if i dont chill out and start getting it into my head that bf wants me and only me . . . he will leave me
part of it aswell is i cant believe my luck with him hes just so lovely and i wouldnt want anyone else .

[GracieW]

So you were out and you still worried what he was up to?!

You really do need to relax now as you'll be losing lots of sleep when bump arrives and everything is magnified when you're shattered.

Trust him, you have everything to look forward to

[merryxmasfellowbumps]

thanks guys i need to chill out and relax like you said gracieW got alot to look forward too

[TotalChaos]

have you ever had any help for the OCD, or done any reading about it?

the no more panic website is quite good. www.nopanic.org.uk I think is the URL.

[lowrib]

merryxmasfellowbumps have you ever thought about getting some counselling?

If you know your jealousy isn't rational, but it is still troubling you like this, then IMO this is the kind of thing counselling can really help with.

Not really sure how you would go about getting it in your case though. Perhaps your GP could refer you? Particularly if it's worse since you've been pregnant - I'm sure there must be counselling available for women who are having a tough time while pregnant surely?

Does anyone else know about getting access to counselling for this kind of thing?

[merryxmasfellowbumps]

thanks totalchaos for the website i will try it , and lowrib iv not heard of counselling during pregnancy but like you say there must be something surely , im up for trying anything as i dont want this relationship to end and niether does he which is a good start i guess , havent scared him off yet , time to sort it out
will have to see my doctor or even midwife , i cant be the first irrational pregnant women lol

[JayDubs]

Counselling would help and I guess the route would be through your GP. There is private counselling available (look at the BACP website). Not everyone can afford to pay for it and there are a number of voluntary organisations which do offer free or reduced rate counselling.

I would think also that the jealous thoughts are related to your OCD. Jealousy can become an obsession and if you already have some characteristics which indicate and obsessional personality type then it can go out of control.

Well done to you for recognising that it's not a healthy place to be in. You can choose to take control over this and you don't have to do it alone. A good counsellor will be invaluable to you.

[merryxmasfellowbumps]

sorry forgot to answer other question , no i havent had any help for ocd before as i find it embarrasing to talk about , this here online is the first time i have spoke about it .
i even feel silly typing it , but im prepared now to do something about it for the sake of my relationship and baby

[merryxmasfellowbumps]

jaydubs . .i feel better for admitting i have the problem , next step is to act on it ,
i have had the obsessions with doors , windows etc for years

[JayDubs]

It's a bit of a cliche but very true that admitting the problem is one of the hardest parts and you've started on that today.

Don't go beating yourself up for your behaviour yesterday - it doesn't make you a bad person. You are someone who has realised they do things that they'd rather they didn't do. You can change.

[TotalChaos]

website is nomorepanic.co.uk www.nomorepanic.co.uk/

I got the URL slightly wrong in my earlier post, sorry!

cbt is the most appropriate talking therapy for OCD. afaik some counsellors do offer cbt. have a word with GP and/or MW, whoever is most approachable. Also if you are near a Surestart/children's centre, they may also be able to offer counselling. also check out amazon or your local library for self help information on OCD, there are plenty of decent books out there.

[CelticStarlight]

OP

I think I might have been a little harsh in my first post - having now read what you posted afterwards. You have my sympathies regarding OCD and I think one of the other posters was spot on in linking your jealousy to OCD behaviour. I think if you get help for your OCD then it will have a knock-on effect on your relationship with your partner and your own feelings of self-esteem.

You've taken a massive step posting about this on here and I really think now you have acknowledged you need a bit of help, that you are now on the path to getting better.

Wishing you tons of luck, you can break the OCD patterns and it will give you so much more freedom and happiness.

[merryxmasfellowbumps]

would like to thank everyone who posted on this thread
have gone on to the nopanic website and now a fully fledged member, have started a 6 week course which consists of talking to a mentor once a week and iv also sent away for audio's to see if that helps.
my bf also came home to see that i was doing something about all of this , i got a huge hug and kiss told me he loved me and was going to support me all the way thanks again everyone i feel so much better just for saying