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Relationships

DP so stressful

7 replies

meandmybaby · 10/01/2010 00:34

Have namechanged for this.

Tonight I have had a glass of wine but I wasn't intending to drink. I have been crying hard and I'm quite confused about the man I live with. I would like some views, insight - clarification... Having my baby has reinforced some things for me..

My dearest DC, 14 weeks today could not sleep today. It's like this every Saturday as my P seems to steal the limelight when home on the weekend "where's my keys", "What do you want to eat tonight" which needs to be sorted out immediately. He dreads deadlines and nothing is ever fun - if something is happening in work; if we have to go to see his family (often) or my family (which I make a very rare occurrence) the whole day is a right off and he will be in a shitty mood until we are back home. He lives for his holidays (we don't go anywhere) but they are such hard work for me! For example - the other day I suggested he fill the car up with petrol, rather than nearly run out during the week and he threw a mass strop! I try to instil organisation in his life which backfires on me. Whenever he 'loses' something - I know where it is. I organised us moving where we are now, I look after all the money - I have built all of the furniture I have purchased, I pay for the majority of food etc, have purchased all of DCs clothes - he didn't buy anything when I was pregnant - everything in the house I have organised and I am fed up of doing everything myself. I wanted a partnership, and everything I ask him to do is just such a chore for him!!! I am still wating for him to put a shelf up that I asked him to do in mid Dec and there is a hole in our bathroom ceiling that needs re-plastering where he put his foot through the ceiling and that was 2.5 years ago.
It seems like he thinks it is my house and I will sort everything out. It's beginning to baffle me ! I'm SO fed up!
Anyway - tonight, it took an age for me to get DS down to sleep. From about 17:00 I was trying. Each time I got downstairs he cried.. When I finally (so I thought) got him off to sleep I was pretty pissed off. I came downstairs 20:20 and P kindly offered me food (he is in catering and food is very easy for him to manage). I asked if he was having anything and he replied 'no'. So I said - don't worry then. He said - no - and insisted that he would make me a toasty and I said OK then. Then he asked me where the toasty maker was. TBH I got a bit peed off as he lives here too but I have to tell him where everything is. He makes a big deal about the fact he changes DS nappies but he never knows where anything is. I wash, clean, do the washing, drying. I organise everything. He has been paying me less and less mortgage money (as agreed) as the months have been going on. He takes advantage of me earning more.
After 3 hours of trying to get DS to sleep I didn't give him the right answer and he stropped off upstairs co-inciding with DS again waking up!
We need to move as there is no room here and I am going to have to sort all of this out as well and I just do not have the energy!!!
I'm not sure how much longer I can pander to his whims.. I cannot physically look after 2 boys. He doesn't seem to think. He is 5 years yonger than me and everything is telling me we are seriously not meant to be together. I feel so ground down, unattractive. He's never apologised for anything - any argument. I was so upset tonight but he would let me cry for days and not say anything. My gut says throw him out. He takes a 45% interest in our son. I dread him coming in from work and I don't have any energy left to keep suggesting things.

I feel like running away altogether with my child. I'm not sure I want my child to see his behaviours or learn anything from him and I'm not actually sure what he is bringing into our unit...

Everything tells me everything is wrong - SO wrong

Does this sound like I'm bad and grumbling about nothing? I just don't know anymore...

OP posts:
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FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas · 10/01/2010 00:47

It sounds like you are tired dear, it sounds like he's draining. Have you sat down and spoken to him about how you feel?

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meandmybaby · 10/01/2010 00:52

It's difficult to talk - he is v defensive. I have tried and tried and he gets so upperty about money. Yes - also tired and drained is how I feel - and also bad for complaining! Thanks for reading though.

OP posts:
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FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas · 10/01/2010 00:53

It's OK, come and join my thread, I'm having the same problem with a friend.

You are not alone.

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FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas · 10/01/2010 00:54

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/891010-I-have-a-self-obsessed-controlling-world-hating-friend-who

Just click on it

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SolidGoldBloodyJanuaryUrgh · 10/01/2010 01:16

Poor you. It sounds absolutely grim. Is the house actually yours ie can you tell him to leave? Because you really do sound like you'd be better off without a whining parasite in the house.

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energies · 10/01/2010 01:49

I don't think you are grumbling about nothing. He needs to step up.

I think you need to sort the money thing out but I know how hard that can be. I hate discussing money but I think you have to just tell him that everything needs to be split down the middle now that you have a child. Do you think you can make him understand that. Can he afford to pay half, does he have a lot of spare cash? If he's earning enough he should be contributing equally.

In his defence he sounds like he's working and doing some household stuff, the food at least, so perhaps he just needs a gentle kick up the bum and a reminder that you need extra support from him now there are 3 of you.

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ItsGraceAgain · 10/01/2010 04:35

YANBU.

This:
"I dread him coming in from work ... I feel like running away"
is enough to ring serious alarm bells. A marriage isn't a prison sentence, it's supposed to improve both your lives!

If you're sure you're not being (dis)coloured by depression - this didn't start straight after you had DC, for example - your perceptions look real enough to me.

Why not raise your concerns with your friends & family? Sometimes an extra perspective, from people who know you, can help you clarify your thoughts.

Fwiw, he sounds like an immature, self-obsessed, dependent idiot to me.

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