Have namechanged for this.
Tonight I have had a glass of wine but I wasn't intending to drink. I have been crying hard and I'm quite confused about the man I live with. I would like some views, insight - clarification... Having my baby has reinforced some things for me..
My dearest DC, 14 weeks today could not sleep today. It's like this every Saturday as my P seems to steal the limelight when home on the weekend "where's my keys", "What do you want to eat tonight" which needs to be sorted out immediately. He dreads deadlines and nothing is ever fun - if something is happening in work; if we have to go to see his family (often) or my family (which I make a very rare occurrence) the whole day is a right off and he will be in a shitty mood until we are back home. He lives for his holidays (we don't go anywhere) but they are such hard work for me! For example - the other day I suggested he fill the car up with petrol, rather than nearly run out during the week and he threw a mass strop! I try to instil organisation in his life which backfires on me. Whenever he 'loses' something - I know where it is. I organised us moving where we are now, I look after all the money - I have built all of the furniture I have purchased, I pay for the majority of food etc, have purchased all of DCs clothes - he didn't buy anything when I was pregnant - everything in the house I have organised and I am fed up of doing everything myself. I wanted a partnership, and everything I ask him to do is just such a chore for him!!! I am still wating for him to put a shelf up that I asked him to do in mid Dec and there is a hole in our bathroom ceiling that needs re-plastering where he put his foot through the ceiling and that was 2.5 years ago.
It seems like he thinks it is my house and I will sort everything out. It's beginning to baffle me ! I'm SO fed up!
Anyway - tonight, it took an age for me to get DS down to sleep. From about 17:00 I was trying. Each time I got downstairs he cried.. When I finally (so I thought) got him off to sleep I was pretty pissed off. I came downstairs 20:20 and P kindly offered me food (he is in catering and food is very easy for him to manage). I asked if he was having anything and he replied 'no'. So I said - don't worry then. He said - no - and insisted that he would make me a toasty and I said OK then. Then he asked me where the toasty maker was. TBH I got a bit peed off as he lives here too but I have to tell him where everything is. He makes a big deal about the fact he changes DS nappies but he never knows where anything is. I wash, clean, do the washing, drying. I organise everything. He has been paying me less and less mortgage money (as agreed) as the months have been going on. He takes advantage of me earning more.
After 3 hours of trying to get DS to sleep I didn't give him the right answer and he stropped off upstairs co-inciding with DS again waking up!
We need to move as there is no room here and I am going to have to sort all of this out as well and I just do not have the energy!!!
I'm not sure how much longer I can pander to his whims.. I cannot physically look after 2 boys. He doesn't seem to think. He is 5 years yonger than me and everything is telling me we are seriously not meant to be together. I feel so ground down, unattractive. He's never apologised for anything - any argument. I was so upset tonight but he would let me cry for days and not say anything. My gut says throw him out. He takes a 45% interest in our son. I dread him coming in from work and I don't have any energy left to keep suggesting things.
I feel like running away altogether with my child. I'm not sure I want my child to see his behaviours or learn anything from him and I'm not actually sure what he is bringing into our unit...
Everything tells me everything is wrong - SO wrong
Does this sound like I'm bad and grumbling about nothing? I just don't know anymore...
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DP so stressful
7 replies
meandmybaby · 10/01/2010 00:34
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