What do you consider a good sex life to be? And how do you vary it when you have small DC?

[NormaSknockers]

I'm curious as I think ours is actually good, well certainly compared to a few of my friends, but DH just says 'I guess so'

We have 2 DC, 3 & 1, DH is on shifts so works all sorts of hours so isn't home a huge amount but we always manage to find time (usually last thing a night when the DC are asleep!) & we usually manage it 3 or 4 times a week. I know a friend of mine said her DH is lucky if he gets it 3 or 4 times a month!

So is that considered a good sex life or just ok?

Also how do we spice it up a bit? I don't mean hanging from the chandelier type of spicing it up but as I say we seem to have fallen into a (enjoyable but predictable) pattern of get the DC into bed, make sure they're alseep & go for it There has been to the odd occassion where we've had a quickie on the pretence of putting the washing away while the DC were amused playing toys downstairs. Is this how it will be til they grow up & move out?

I'm not complaining as I enjoy our sex life but it would be nice to have a bit of variation now & again

[Anniegetyourgun]

You sound as if you're doing fine under the circumstances. I can only say keep it up (if you will excuse the expression) and look forward to the DCs spending 6 hours at day at school, when your DH's odd shifts may work in your favour . Meanwhile, are there grandparents who would be happy to have them for the odd sleepover?

[NormaSknockers]

Ah hadn't thought about school this is true! DD starts September & DS will start nursery the following Jan! Oh yes DHs odd shifts will come in quite handy then

MIL would willingly have the DC but I don't like to ask, she is however having them overnight in March so that we can have a night away in a hotel for our anniversary - whilst we daydream of lots of sex & room service the reality is we'll probably just catch up on sleep lol!

[purplepeony]

Not sure what your point is- number of times per week or spicing up?

3-4 times a week sounds pretty good going tbh.

It really doesn't matter a jot what other people do - it's what works for you and your DH that matters. There is simply no point comparing yourself with anyone else...BUT most research seems to show that 2-4 times a week for your 20s and 30s is average, once/twice a week in your 40s-50s, and when ever you can get it over 60!

I have a friend whose marriage is celibate due to relationship issues- they have not had sex for 9 years!!!!! Yes, really.

[Kiwinyc]

good god, for quite a while we only managed 3-4 times a YEAR!!! 3-4 times a week would exhaust me. Its whatever works for you.

[NormaSknockers]

purple - bit of both really, I was curious as to whether our sex life was classed as 'good' or not. The spicing up thing, well I guess we're just in a rut at the moment what with shifts/DC etc & I just wondered if anyone had been in the same position but founds things that worked for them to make it less predictable. I can quite believe the couple being celebite for 9 years, a couple I know have been for 2 years due to health issues but both are actually quite happy with that as they've concentrated on other parts of their marriage instead.

Kiwi we did go through a stage where we just didn't have sex at all, once I fell PG with DD I was to sick to be able to stomach sex & when DD was born I suffered PND & just didn't want to it was well over a year I think by the time we did. Although whilst PG with DS I went off it once again once he was born I got my mojo back.

[putupondad]

3-4 times pw!! You just came on here to boast didn't you...

[purplepeony]

It really shouldn't matter whether anyone else rates it as good or not- it's whether it satisfies you and your DH.

Re. spicing it up- i think that is inevitable with any relationship. How long u been together?
The only options are change the tecnhique/order of play, buy some toys & costumes, or vary the location. And all 3 together.

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

What does it matter whether "it is classed as good or not"? What matters is that you and your DH are still happy, in love and still fancy each other. It sounds like you are. .

[NormaSknockers]

Oh heck no sorry put no honestly that wasn't my intention. Crikey sorry

I dunno just wondered I guess, don't get me wrong I enjoy it & all that but it's very routine at the moment but can't see much way around it tbh, for the moment at least.

[purplepeony]

What would you like it to be like then?
IMO the boredom is more of an issue than the frequency.

Is it your Dh's technique that is boring?

I can't tell from your post what it is that you are actually upset over.

[doesthiswork]

Norma ( btw - PP very wise - take note )

I have learned (not quite too late luckily - I hope - I think) that keeping it up is the key
We let it lapse, DH eventually had an affair, I got close to affaier and probably have just about saved our marriage (I hope), but it could easily have gone the other way.
Keep it up! Sure, explore porn (even if yuo have to write it yourself , fantasies, trips away (even one night in the nearest Travelodge when they have a £15 special deal!! - tell GP essential they babysit that ONE NIGHT)
Just keep it up,ohterwise you get inot a downward spiral which is very difficult to escape.
Just suprise him, occasionaly with something oustide you rususal repertoire. Even if you both end up in gales of helpless laughter -bonding, very important, and SHE will not get between you

[BitOfFun]

Go Norma

[Mamazontopofsantabeingrude]

I have a fantastic sex life in the fact that i get it twice a day unless OH is away.

I love the quickies whilst the kids play best of all. its a bit dangerous in a perfectly safe way iyswim.

I am much more adverntuous sex wise than DP but im slowly trying to convince him to partake in some al fresco sex. think i'll stand a better chance when it gets a bit warmer.

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

doesthiswork I never knew I could say that to my GP, They always whinge about long hours and out of hours shifts but I know understand

[NormaSknockers]

PMSL BOF

Mama - similar position here, I'd be more then up for a fumble in the garden etc but DH is quite happy in the bedroom, I'm lucky if I can get him to stray down to the lounge.

The frequency is great, we did go through a stage where we were all out of sync & when of us would be up for it the other wouldn't but we seem to be on the same wave length with that at least. I enjoy it & everything but sometimes I just wish it wasn't so predictible. I'm just not sure how to get past that really, I've tried a few things, outfits/undies the old seduction routine & whilst that goes down well it's still pretty much the same. I know really I shouldn't complain but I just want to takes things up a notch you know?

It's just a bit hard (pardon the pun) as I'd liek to venture out the bedroom but DH is perfectly happy there.