I did a bad, bad thing.....and I'm sort of thinking I'd like to do it again

[SlinkyMuminky]

OK, sorry if this is a bit long. Have only ever posted on MN a couple of times, tend to be a bit of a lurker. Know you ladies are very good at talking some sense into people, so would love you to do the same for me.

Have worked for my present boss for nearly 15 years. He's a charming alpha male, very successful in his career and we get on extremely well - he works out of our NY office, whilst I am London based. I am also quite senior in our company, and have made it this far - I believe - purely on my own merit .

So, Saturday evening he's in the UK for a Christmas function, we both get extremely drunk and he ends up staying in my hotel room. We did nothing but spend the night together, mainly talking and kissing a few times. No sex, not even close. I was in PJs in bed the whole night.

Now, I'll pause to mention that I believe I have a strong marriage. My husband's not the easiest of men to live with, but I love him and we've been together a long time. We have DTs aged 3 and this has put inevitable strain on our relationship. The last couple of years have been hard and any notions of romance feel long abandoned.

I am obviously feeling very guilty for what I've done....but I'm now imagining how great it would have been to go further and would love to do it again.

I know this is utterly stupid, and also know why I am doing it. Looking for some escapist, romantic nonsense, but unfortunately I live in a world with commitments and responsibilities and feel like I'm in the middle of a 'holiday romance'.

There is no positive outcome to even considering trying for round two. I have a beautiful family to consider, and my professional reputation would be severely damaged. People would assume I was only in the position I am because I'd slept with my boss.

So, come on ladies, please come tell me what a twat I'm being and shake some sense into me.

Thanks

[thisisyesterday]

you are a complete twat.

imagine how you would feel if you found out your husband had done the same.
betrayal and cheating is not only about sex.

what you've done is, IMO, truly awful.

[giddyupRudolph]

"I live in a world with commitments and responsibilities" - we all do, it's no excuse.

Stop trying to excuse your behaviour.

[MrsMattie]

Give yourself a good, hard shake. This already has the potential to fuck up your relationship, break up your family and wreck your career. Forget it ever happened. Never do it again.

[ladylush]

I really don't think you need anyone else to point out just how stupid it would be to go back for more - your op spells it out.

[spookycharlotte121]

You have a lot to lose if you persue things with your boss.... just think about that and how sad you would be aat the breakup of your family.

[hobbgoblin]

It's a shitty awful thing to do to your DH.

It really hurts to find out that one's sexual relationship has become less special and less exclusive than you imagined.

If he knew he would probably never look on you as fondly again for a long time, if ever.

Is this enough?

[memoo]

Yes you're right you are a twat!

Your ""imagining how great it would have been to go further and would love to do it again"? Remember that when it all blows up in your face and you lose your marriage and wreck your kids lives all at the same time!

""We have DTs aged 3 and this has put inevitable strain on our relationship. The last couple of years have been hard and any notions of romance feel long abandoned."" Yeah and??? thats real life, get over it and grow up

[morningpaper]

I don't think what you did was that dreadful but my standards are low

How the hell do you get drunk and in bed with someone you fancy and not shag them, though? Let me know so I can practice

ANYWAY you know you are being a bloody fool, this would cock up your lovely family, your fab career, not to mention your reputation (!) and those things are all terrible

You need to avoid this sort of situation in future unfortunately and bear in mind that your boss is probably now madly in love with you (at least, I would assume that in order to avoid getting into sticky situations in future)

Bad luck, this sucks, but put a brake on things now missie or your lovely life will shatter into a million shitty bits

[fishie]

what does this say about you and how you feel about powerful men?

[HerBeatitude]

I don't think it's helpful to call you a twat I think you're someone who has got lonely in her marriage and needs to concentrate on re-vitalising that instead of fantasising about grass is greener scenarios.

Hire a babysitter and have a date with your husband. Initiate sex afterwards. Stop accepting that romance in your marriage is long gone, because if you believe that you'll look for it elsewhere. Concentrate your romantic fantasies on the man to whom you're married. Put some effort into your marriage and demand that your husband does too.

HTH.

[Malificence]

Is one night of escapism worth risking everything for?
Don't be a twat.

Put some effort into relighting the fire with your husband - have an affair with him.

[mrsboogiefairylights]

twat!

[morningpaper]

Yes I agree that there is no reason that a marriage with young children necessarily has to be shit although reading these boards gives that impression sometimes

Where are the problems in your marriage? Is it worth seeing a therapist or something like that together? Try to find a bit of what you fell in love with before you became parents

[wordsonascreen]

Its probably worse because all you did was fool around a bit.. you've now got that frisson of what happens next

Shame really hes probably a really crap shag (the OM) and you'll still be slavering about it.

Wise up woman

I really doubt its worth it if you do have a strong marriage

Go have a dirty weekend with your DH.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

look, it's not too late to rescue this

to rescue yourself

your boss doesn't care for you, you would just be an easy shag for him, how would you like to be known as the "bike" of the London Office ?

come on love, you are not a teenager, get a fucking grip

[BikeRunSki]

Idiot.

What MrsMattie said.
In fact what everyone else said too.

[morningpaper]

yeah he is deffo crap in bed

what kind of man snogs a woman in pyjamas and then has a chat

Honestly he will be rubbish, probably takes his pants off only when he's under the duvet

etc

[fishie]

ahem. no personal attacks.

mp is kind but true. you're going to have to stop this now unless you really want to leave your family and live with mr boss.

[Fruitysunshine]

Ok, so your husband finds out, issues divorce proceedings and files for custody of your children. Your reputation is in tatters and your lover probably wouldn't want a normal relationship with you anyway.

Hmm...how much more of a reality check do you need?

These are peoples lives you are toying with - the feelings and futures of your husband and children.

So whilst it may feel nice and romantic and holiday like, all holidays have to end.

You are being a twat. If your husband did that with another woman, what would be your response and would you really want him posting on a forum asking for a reality check when all he would have to do is look at you and his children to realise where his life is?

Have you seen what happens to people when their family is torn apart by indfidelity? It is horrible and scars people for life.

Speechless.

[SlinkyMuminky]

Perfect, thank you. You've shaken me up exactly as I needed to be. I obviously can't talk about this to anyone in RL, so really do appreciate your comments, even if they're a bit hard to read.

[annabelcaramel]

I feel for you. Think back, if you can, to any relationship that you had in your younger days that started brilliantly and ended in disaster. Then just think of this one doing the same, but with fiftybillion times the fallout. Take a day off, do something just for you-go shopping, spoil yourself,go to a gallery. Then go home and start life again with your family.

[Mincepiedermama]

You're making a fool out of yourself and making a mug out of your poor, unsuspecting dh.

I would tell your DH everything, then sort out the 'lack of romance' between the two of you.

If you conceal this, the intimacy, the trust you once enjoyed with your dh will be gone forever and this will rot away inside.

Very selfish.

[morningpaper]

he is crap in bed

honestly

no great love affairs start out with snogging and chatting while wearing pyjamas

[Malificence]

Is this boss also married?

Don't go there, I can guarantee 100% that no good would come of it.