H just had dc's for weekend - first one and feeling a bit wobbly..

[tiredoftherain]

It's all so crap and not how I wanted my little family to be at all, especially with 2 such young dc's. I don't regret the split at all, he was starting to be emotionally abusive, not to mention adulterous, but it just seemed so cold and horrible, after over 10 years together, that we've been reduced to formalities on the doorstep. Horrid.

I hope it gets easier. It's just very raw when I'm still realising the extent of the affair he was having. I'm being as civil as I can, but I just can't be smiley with him at all. None of us deserved the way he's treated us and I can't pretend nothing's happened.

Still, on the bright side I had a fab weekend shopping and drinking mulled wine with friends.. !

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

aww, it's bound to be tough for a while !

it will get easier, of course it will

no need to be smiley, why should you ?

civil is the maximum he can expect

what are the practicalities of the "handover" ? Could he pickup/dropoff from somewhere else, so you don't have to see him face-to-face, at least for a while ?

[tiredoftherain]

Thanks AF, unfortunately there aren't really any alternatives for the moment, but once his parents return from holiday that might be an option. Once I've moved away it will definitely be easier.

His family are all saying that they also don't know how they'll react when they see him, so it isn't even just me!

It just feels such a waste, and so unnecessarily difficult.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

good luck my lovey

look into other options re. the handover eg. his parents could be a goer

otherwise, keep on going, time will sort it out for you

just horrible in the meantime

[marriedtoafuckwit]

Just done same thing this morning. Got really lost on way to H's new flat and ended up in tears (can cope with the big things but fallto pieces at the smallest thing).

I'm sure this is supposed to get easier, I can be civil to him on fone but not to his face at the moment. Horrible for kids as I find it hard to even listen to their niceties about him.

Even a bottle of wine hasnt helped tonight.

Good luck,you arent alone

[diddle]

i can't imagine how difficult this must be, I do think its important for your kids to see you at least being civil to one another. I hope it gets easier for you.

[whatdoyouallthink]

It will get easier. I am almost a year on from when my H left for OW and the first few months of handovers were just awful. Since then we have even managed to go out together to get dc's birthday presents. The worst bit for me to start with was that dc3 was only a few months old but now she is older its better.

I still think its sad that after ten years together its come to this, passing the kids back and forth ever other weekend. I think I will always think that way.

When dc are away just make sure you make the most of that time, either your out with friends or relaxing at home.

The option with his parents sounds like a good idea. I wanted to do something similar but knew I would have to face him sooner or later so didnt go ahead with it. When things were very tense between us it would have been better then the dc seeing us shouting at each other.

Like AF said time will make it easier.