To think my parents dont care about

[starstripe]

me, I have had a unloving relationship with parents for as long as I can remember,my grandparents were involved in my life from about 13 untill my grandad died,his wish was to make amends with them and build bridges,so I went back to live with my parents.

The problem is this, my Dad and I became quite close as time went by,he did try to show me love mum was another matter she never cuddled me or told me she loved me, I blamed her upbringing and am used to it now.

Since having a family of my own we dont spend much time together anymore, they make excuses if i ask them to look after the kids and when they do they spilt them up which I hate,they say were to old now and cant manage it,I try to understand they have their own lives but I rarley ask for anything.

My Dad promised me the other day we would meet up and he would give me money to buy the kids and me christmas presents,when I went to pick him up he gave me the money and said go on your own.It wasnt the money but the fact I wanted him to spend time with me and the kids.
I left feeling sad and cried all the way home this has never bothered me before but I think more and more about the times they let me down or dont bother or push me away, I dont want them to die and regret that I didnt spend more time with them.
I play it down but have promised I will be different with my children, whats sad is everyone around me see's it and im embrassed as my partner has a very loving family, I told mil about this and cried to her,she said to me you will always have me.

[starstripe]

anyone please?

[BaronessBarbaraKingstanding]

hi Starstripe, glad to see you took this out of AIBU,as you so obviously aren't.

keep shamelessly bumping this, it can take a while to get the people with similair experience to see it and respond, but thye will be along, I'll keep bumping for you too.

As i said it does sound like you have a lovely family now as your MIllobviously loves you.

But I know that doesn't erase all the years of hurt that you haven't yet dealt with.

Hope you get the help you need.

[SqueezinAroundTheXmasTree]

Oh that's really sad. There are a lot of people in the same position as you.

I read a lot of positives in your post. You have a lovely MIL, you are committed to making things different for your children and nobody can say that you haven't tried and also, you sound like you had a wonderful relationship with your GPs.

Are you able to talk to your parents and tell them how you feel? Do you think they will take on board your feelings?

If you can't get through to them and if things can't change then you do have to go through a process of accepting that what you get from them is their maximum.....and also a process of learning to give a bit less so that the disappointment is less. Not easy, I know.

You can't change them, only they can do that.

[darcymum]

I also have a difficult relationship with my parents, it's just my mum now dads dead.

Quite a few years ago I kind of came to terms with it, for me its not going to change, we have the relationship we have. That's fine for me now, I don't mind. My mum doesn't live close to me though, I see her about twice a year (not a happy time) but that's the way it is.

[dejavuaswell]

I have a partial theory which goes like this.

You have your youngest child when you are about 30. They finish university and move out when you are in your early 50's. By then your parents need support and you spend 10 years looking after them. Your are then in your 60's and your children expect you to start babysitting and childminding. Then you die!

This might be a recipe for problems!?