is there anyone out there who understands?

[IWantToGoThereAgain]

Am a reg who has name changed for this.

firstly i am happily settled in a relationship with dp we have 2 wonderful dc and i want for nothing.

but actually i do. I have a longing, wanting need whatever you want to call it, to get together with another woman again. I know DP would want to watch but I want to just have a woman and I there.

DP was ok with me doing this before i had ds2 but i don't know if he would be now.

I have a "friend" who I had many experiences with since being with dp but when i had ds2 she kind of stepped back until eventually there is not much contact at all.

Am I just stuck in a rut with him working long hours? I dont know but I am fantasizing about having another woman again.....am I wrong?

[thesunshinesbrightly]

I'm here if you want to talk some more but don't really have any advice for you

[mummypies]

Not quite sure why the arrival of ds2 would make a difference to dp. If he was ok with it before then why would he change now?

It sounds as though you won't rest until it "happens". At that time you will either get it out of your system or you'll decide you want to continue.

Maybe you will need to compromise with dp about being there. It's a fantasy of most men!!

[SolidGoldBangers]

The best person to talk to is your DP. At least you know he is openminded on the subject and not going to pitch fits. He may well be happy for you to get this need met; as to him watching, both you and your female friend would have to be happy about that (she is a person, not a sex toy).
A lot of people regard a same sex experience as not-infidelity, so try to disregard any squawking you get on here about what a faithless trollop you are: what boundaries you and your DP set are up to you not a bunch of bigots and people incapable of seeing beyond their own experience.

[IWantToGoThereAgain]

LOL I know it is a mans fantasy.....dunno that I am ready for him to be there!

TBH I am not sure what has brought this about again I was like this before i had ds2 and thought i had got it out of my system so to speak.

Maybe I should accept this is who I am...maybe I am just greedy.

[mrsboogie]

You should be honest with DP about how you feel. Its not as if there is another woman on the scene for him to get annoyed about IYKWIM? so it's maybe a step back (in his eyes) from you actually having a plan.

If you were to get in touch with your friend for this purpose after a break in contact it might feel to her a bit like you are using her.

[IWantToGoThereAgain]

Mrs, She was the one who used me sadly...she is not bi she is a lesbian through and through. We had many months of fun together with dp's blessing but without him being there. But then she found a partner and ditched me basically. Now we talk on odd occassions via facebook.

I just cna't understand why I have these feelings when everything is so settled in my life.

[SolidGoldBangers]

The thing is, bisexuality is a part of you, like any sexual identity (and I include heterosexual monogamy in this: it's just that if a person is heteromonogamous their needs are seen as 'normal' and it's entirely acceptable to pursue them). So it won't entirely go away. As I said, talk with your DP about how you are feeling, it's up to him and you to sort out what's going to work for both of you and any other people who become involved either temporarily or long-term.

[IWantToGoThereAgain]

SGB, we had a talk in the small hours and he has said that of course if it is what i need and want he understands, he also said that whilst like all men he would like to watch he understands that may take time to happen, as long as it is by his 50th LOLOLOL only 3 yrs to go then!!

This is getting confusing keep name changing lol

[mrsboogie]

blimey, very understanding of him. Aren't you lucky!

[MorrisZapp]

That's great that your DH is fine with it. Sounds like he's v secure about it all.

But I don't get SGBs point about bisexuality being part of you therefore you have a right to shag women as well as your DH.

I'm heterosexual myself and fancy loads of men, this is quite natural. But I don't get to shag them as I've committed to one person.

Surely this is the same for people who are gay, straight or bi?

I mean this in general and not to OP who has her DHs blessing and 'permission'.

[SolidGoldBangers]

MZ: It's unusual for bisexual people to be really comfortable with lifelong monogamy or so I have been told. Remember that monogamy doesn't suit everyone, anyway and TBH people who are really not monogamous make themselves and their partners miserable if they try to stay in monogamous relationships just because that's what society expects.

SO a lot of bisexual people in relationships (ie those who have acknowledged and discussed their bi side) tend not to have entirely monogamous relationships; if they have long-term relationships it's usually not with profoundly monogamist people.

[TLESinChristmasStockings]

Thats the worst thing isn't it, not feeling comfortable with yourself or a situation