Mumsnet Talk

I no longer believe I am a fucking muppet.
I chose to believe the man I loved and strived to make our marriage work for a year while he was playing me and having the best of me and OW.

I will make it through this and I know I will be a stronger person than ever before, I know I can achieve whatever I need for myself and my DC.

It has not even been 3 weeks but already I am feeling the freedom from his control and taking it back for myself

Today He has returned the admission form and Arrangements for DC form to me duly signed Will hand it to my solicitor on Monday and she can file the petition for divorce.

Thankyou for all the support over the last couple of weeks when I have been to the brink and back. I still have a long hard slog ahead of me ( I know the financial stuff will not be an easy ride, and he is still playing mind games) But I am over the worst and planning my future.

I needed to start this new thread because my feelings about myself have changed and the old title was dragging me down by transporting me back to that feeling , I have moved on from that.

Hurrah for norks!

Good on you. And welcome back

Good on you, Norks

Fantastic!

Daylight is appearing in your life now. I am so pleased to read that you have started to move on.

This thread is going to be one of the building blocks to you getting yourself back.

BTW, I don't think you were ever a muppet. Its just that you had trusted the father of your DCs - naturally - and its turned out that he was nowhere near being able put your lovely family first. Of course you wanted to mke the family unit work. He only paid lip service to that notion.

The only Muppet in this equation is HIM!!

Wonder how long before the OW works that one out.

amen to that !

Good on yer Norks

It is a good feeling isn't it? When you realise that actually you are strong and able to cope with whatever shit comes your way.

Fancy a glass of wine??

Good to see you all here.

Hunnibee you are right, he is a total muppet, in more ways than one, He got me to add some wording to the contact agreement form - This is a flexible agreement and arrangements can change as long as both parties are in agreement - Not sure he realises I never have to agree.

I have started making progress with my return to work as well. Have made enquiries and have an excollegue who will supervise my return to registration activity and sort out 20 hours work for me, should be re-registered in about 4 months

Stirling, am halfway through a bottle following a curry to celebreate the fact he did not piss about with the forms and I now have them in my posession

Yay- you go girl!

you are pretty inspirational, lady

I have been knocked down too many times in my life, not to have learnt how to bounce back by now.
I go down with a bang, but I come up fighting - And this time I have my 2 dc to fight for as well

Red or white?

Want some eye-candy?

Take a look HERE

I'm on the white thanks, not really ready for eye candy yet(still had a look though)

All clear from the sexual health check phew, at least I don't have anything else to contend with

good news

Feeling really drained today, think again is because the practical stuff is sorted and now have to live with the reality.
Single parent..
DD's behaviour is horrendous, I know she is upset angry and doesn't really understand what is going on, but before school she managed to bite my face, spit toothpaste in my face, pull my hair and pinch me. I am trying so hard to remain calm and explain that the behaviour is not acceptable and that although she is sad and angry she cannot hurt mummy.
Not sure how else to manage it, It is really dragging me down and I just feel exhausted dealing with it.
TBH I know if she was not behaving this way, I would be coping so much better, but ATM just feel I am failing her
DS on the other hand is being an angel, therefore I am trying to direct positive reinforcement to him, but I cannot ignore DD she still needs to be dressed, fed and got to school on time which makes mornings a battleground.
Any Ideas - I am rapidly running out of energy on this one

Go to the GP and have a word - they can refer you to a child psychologist. Sometimes it is easier for children to hear things from elsewhere, or they may be able to give you some tips on how to manage her. Don't be afraid to get help...

Do you think it really needs that?? I was sure it was just a phase of adjustment that with lots of love and support she would come through.
It is hard and knackering, but I am the only stability she has hence her projecting all these emotions onto me

How old is she?

Star charts worked wonders for my 5yo. She was a biter and it is really hard to accept.

She still has her off days now and has such strops - but they are less.

I was shocked as she was dc4 so i thought i was good at being a mum.

They are all different - bless.

she will be 5 in Jan, I think I will start on the star charts She has actually been realy good since coming in from school, I am scared not looking forward to bathtime

I wish I had some answers for you.

I think that however difficult it is to stick to, routine and structure at home are often important when everything else is uncertain. Its damned hard though when you are on your own, you have no-one to back you up when your energy levels are at zero. I'm sure that making her feel secure is one of the important things when so much has happened. (Tricky I know when you feel like screaming like a fishwife - we've all been there!)

I know that this is not an excuse, but I remember when mine were that age, they were getting really tired at this time of the year. The Autumn./Winter term is very long and the build-up to Christmas is already starting. Your DD's behaviour may also be tied in with that. She is still very young.

Sorry - didn't mean to scare you! I had the impression you'd been trying everything for ages... they can work well after you have tried the star charts etc (SIL is one), but as I said, if it is really hard then don't be afraid to get outside help.

You did not scare me - I knew she was behaving very badly, but felt that as it was only 3 weeks we had other avenues to try first If it continues I will be the first to ask for outside help, my sister is a counsellor for trouble teens, so I am aware how outside services often become a neccesity.

Hunnibee- I do believe she is getting very tired, but she is very strong willed so not always sure when it is tiredness or general stroppiness, still I am sure we can come through it eventually without a trip (hopefully) to A&E

H is still playing his little mind games, trying hard to ignore but because he involves the DC I get silently very
He has taken tomorrow off work and asked if he cold pick the DC up from school, I agreed, but purposely didn't make plans just in case. He has now said he will pick DD up but not DS from preschool. Good job I hadn't told DC of any plans.

Oh I know, its so difficult to work out whether they are reacting to something specific, or just driving you round the bend!

Interesting that you are a step ahead of him with his 'mind' games. I admire you being able to see his behaviour for what it is and not bring your DCs into it all. He really is deluded if he thinks he can lead you a merry dance. Does he think you don't know him? doh!

Maybe you should give yourself a star chart for every time you sniff out his little plots. Could be a BIG chart though!

Have come to the conclusion that DD is testing my boundries.

Her dad was a very controlling person and since he left I have been much more relaxed, she I think has realised this and is finding out how much I will let her get away with.

Now I just need to set some new boundries and stick fast and I am sure we will come through ok. She has been really good the last 24 hrs with the exeption of when H dropped them back tonight after access and tbh that was tiredness.

She is knackered enough from school, and he took them to soft play fro 3 hours!!!
No surprise she was over tired and crotchety.

Also has to ask H to leave as I said he could help with bedtime seeing as it was that time when he dropped them back, I came downstairs after settling DS, and he was sat on the sofa reading the paper and made no effort to get up and leave. I reminded him the dc were now settled and he had to go, he got the hump and slammed the door on the way out. wtf does he think we were going to sit and have a cosy chat.