Mumsnet Talk

Many years ago- about 15- I had a reunion with an ex. Saw him a few times and we ended up being physical but not full sex- oral sex.

Would you regard this as adultery/infidelity- or like Bill Clinton thinks, is penetrative sex the only definition ( it is in law anyway.)

For me, I stopped short of the final act an drew a line in the sand, but am I kidding myself ?I am still with my DH after 22 years.

Yep.

You gave another man a blow job? Yep, that's unfaithful in my book.

Why are you raking it up after all this time?

I would definitely regard that as being unfaithful.

Think you know you are kidding yourself... Yes, you absolutely were.
Wouldn't do anything about it after this long though - no point.

Yes.

well what would your dh think about it?

Yep.

Yes but if you are still beating yourself up about this 15 years later then I think you need to discuss this with your partner

Our definition of unfaithful is anything that you wouldn't want your spouse walking in on. So unless your DH wouldn't be bothered by what he saw, I reckon that you were unfaithful.

I agree with rindercella - why are you asking now? After 15 years? Are you planning to repeat the experience?

If you wouldn't do it in front of your H, it is cheating - and that goes for anything, financial stuff, texting OM, etc

Er, yes.

I guess the acid test is whether you would mind if your DH was receiving blow jobs from random strangers.

LOL

of course it is.

is this for real?

I didn't give him a BJ- he gave me OS.

Yes, but I'd suggest trying to forget about it now.

I don't agree with the 'anything you wouldn't want dh to see' definition though. I don't want dh to see me doing a poo, for example. Or find out how much time I spend on the computer when ds is at preschool and I could be hoovering.

Oh - he performed cunninglingus on you. Did you object?

Well, how would you feel if you found out your DH had given another woman oral sex?

I also presume that it wasn't just oral, sex - that you & your ex must've done other stuff before you got that far? Let's face it, most men will at least snog you before going down on you

hf- why do you want to know that?

Just to make sure you were a willing participant in this.

well if I wasn't I would have dialled 999.

Yes.
Why on earth has it taken you this long still not to be able to decide?
Why are you asking now?
Unless there is somethng specific to this that is bothering you, I would give the opposite advice from MP and say forget it and do not rake it up now with your DH.

Of course it was, don't be daft.

Well you were unfaithful then. Why has it come to your mind now after so long?

I have never mentioned that I am thinking of telling my DH - you are jumping to conclusions. I want to know for my own conscience, that's all.

what do you think wellwasit?