A little while ago I posted on here about a boyfriend I have had for the past 2.5 years and how he always lets me down etc etc, and the fact that he is extrememly sweet (unbelievably so) but there are many lingering issues that have not been sorted out (never been to his place, being the main issue). So, not based on that fact alone, but, generally the total discontent and having to wait long gaps before we see each other due to LDR, I broke it off. He calls and we chat and he's very sad about my decision etc, but respects my choice. I do care for him deeply, but have realised it's all become futile.
Last week I went on a date with a man I have been chatting to for a long time (internet)- we exchanged phone nr.s etc and he seemed nice. My issue with him was him living a bit far away for my liking. I wanted someone local so as not to repeat the same pitfalls.
He came here. He was absolutely lovely. We went out roaming around my area, on foot, had a coffee, chatted and we came back for dinner (which he helped me cook) daughter was back from school by then and we were laughing and enjoying his company, and he ours. He liked the cats, he was easy going, he was engaging and interactive and 'totally at ease'.
I suddenly realised how 'lacking my former realtionship was. How, after two years, things had slipped into a good old routine rut, which, altho I accepted, I had fallen into with each visit. I am not comparing here but found myself behaving as if in a mould I'd created (or was used to). And I was brought up short but this new man's reaction to it. So I suddenly felt this 'lift'. and that lift was that I was able here, to be 'myself' with him.
I can't being to tell you how glad I am that I agreed finally to meet up with him. How sometimes when we get into limbo, we should force ourselves OUT and dare to get a fresh person into our lives. (I was reluctant thinking I could work on old partner and change things).
Going back to former partner, (before I had agreed to meet new guy), we decided to have a weekend together and try to straighten things out. He was due to come this weekend but called and repeating ther pattern said he has something or other to finalise and wouldn't be able to make a full weekend visit, but would come Sunday and return Monday afternoon. (Initially I had asked for Sat pm off work to be with him)... then reapeat button pressed here.. I can't get mOnday off, it's my busy day... so all it means is he will be here for a quick legover have a chat, leave me hanging on again another month but still have me waiting in the wings. Now he's not a bad man, but who wouldn't jump at having a little faithful commited woman waiting in the wings, for the 'now and then'.
Meantime, new guy is refreshing. He had a long drive back ahead of him and I offered for him to stay on the sofa and leave in the morning. He was happy with that and we stayed up til late talking/ eating and chatting and started snogging a bit, etc..
I have cats but at night they are restless and kept getting on him . I locked them out but they kept meowing outside and scratching the window, where the sofa is.... Yes ok, you guessed it. I offered him the space next to me. In my bed. (Well it was silly really) I have never been so forward but it seemed stupid and we both wanted to carry on being close.
I had one of the best nights in bed. He was warm sensitive, caring, funny... he's a lovely guy and INTERESTED in me as me.
Now expartner, whom I have been stalled by so many times, intends to come this Sunday... I really want to put him off and make a go of it with this new man. He ticked the boxes where there are so many ticks 'unticked' with ex after 2 years.
But I haven't got the heart. I haven't got the balls. I haven't got it in me to lie and fob in off with some excuse. And yet he does it to me all the time. Part of me wants to see him again, but it will only make it more difficult to part from him, where as I have not seen him for 2 months now, just continual calls and keeping me on the back burner. Please... I can see the light and what I need to do. But... someone spell it out for me.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
New Man... same old me...
Kally · 18/09/2009 11:40
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