I am an idiot! Tips on how to play this needed.

[whitetulips]

me and h are separating, house is on market but we are both in the house at the moment.it is all very amicable, I have posted here before, H was abroad but we grew apart, he gave me chlamydia etc etc.
Anyway, I have been snooping ( can't help myself)
Have found he is boasting to his expat friends about 'HIS' girl coming over here soon, and a receipt for a Western union money transfer to her last week.I know he was seeing her 2 years ago, but he has been back in uk for 9 months now!
Now I feel like an idiot, he has been playing me! I honestly did not see it coming.
I was told by lawyer that I should get 65% of equity but he won't budge on 50%
We were going to sell the house first, then do divorce later, to save costs.
Now I just want to kill him. I will need his maintenance, so do I sit tight and carry on, spill the beans, or go to a lawyer and fight?
I know one thing, am not divorcing him if that is what he wants, am going to make him bloody wait!

[thesouthsbelle]

if it was me i'd go to the lawyer with the evidence all of it and take a back up for myself, and would also do a bit more snooping.

Why does he want a 50.50 split if you also have the children with you?

oh and I think quite possibly i'd divorce him for adultery as well.

[whitetulips]

He has a secret phone too, was planning to check it tonight but he has gone away and taken it with him.
Part of me wants to go to lawyers, divorce him and get more equity, but if he is a free man then she will come here. Also if I fight for equity, he won't pay maintenance, will prob just go back to Asia.

[thesouthsbelle]

honestly, you should be doing what's best for your children ie in the short term I could have cleared XH's bank account out & left him high and dry, in the long term it was shooting myself in the foot.

So on that front you need to achieve what you think and feel is the best outcome for your children.

On the other hand don't let him in effect hold you to ransom over it all. ie if you do one thing he'll do something like piss off back to asia.

[twoclimbingboys]

If you have the children surely you are entitled to more than a 50:50 split?

I would get copies of all the evidence etc and take all of that to a solicitor with me tbh.

[beanieb]

Are you absolutely sure he will pay maintenence anyway? What if he takes 50% and still leaves? Personally I would fight for the extra equity.

[whitetulips]

up until this weekend, yes I thought he was being honest.
Now, having found a secret phone, a money transfer receipt, and a wad of cash (from our joint account)no, I do not trust him. Maybe I should fight for more equity, then I can have a smaller mortgage, and I won't need his maintenance.
I have spent this evening moving bank accounts, and cancelling his credit card on my account, and feel tired but a little better!

[AnAuntieNotAMum]

More equity rather than maintenance sounds a good idea to protect yourself in the future because many, many men have lost a lot of money on what they thought were sexually and domestically submissive women they had found on far away shores.

[thesouthsbelle]

yes agree as I say, think long term what will provide you with more security and if more equity and less maint. will do that then go that route.

[whitetulips]

yes, after thinking about this all day that is what I will do. Wait until we have a buyer, then go to solicitors!!
More equity, and I already have a mortgage approval for enough, which I can afford, so if I need to borrow less, all the better!
I just can't believe he would do this to his children, if not me.
What a T*@t