should this have upset me so much?

[chloebe]

Hi ladies- I am struggling to make head nor tail of this situation and would welcome some advice.

I have two dc both under 18 months _mad I know!- I used to get on really well with my mil, even to the point that we would socilaise every weekend. Since having dd1 things changed drasticly, things became very competitive and I just felt very undermined by her. She hasn't been very interested in dd2- she is only 12 weeks- so maybe that will come, but our relationship is difficult, not outwardly but some things she does and says have got my back up, but I have always let it ride over me and I am constantly making sure that they see the gc twice a week even if I don't want to see them. I also do nice things like last week I had the girl's imprints done as a suprise and she is grateful for such things.

At the beginning of my relationship with dh my sil was a nightmare (she is a year older than me) and my mil used to confide in me about her wanting sil to be more like me etc. Things have changed, sil has grown up a bit still very selfish but no one is perfect. Sil is getting married and from the beginning mil and sil have said things like - 'it won't be as lavish as your wedding' little comments like that really get to me as me and dh paid for our wedding, we workedour arses off and yes it was a lovely day for which we are proud, but I don't think it deserved statements like that. At the time of my wedding me and sil didn't really see each much and I didn't ask her to be my bridesmaid, altho we had cousins of dh etc, as they were 3,4 and 6 and outright asked if they could be. Plus I had my 3 close friends. I didn't think it had bothered her until years later when my dd1 was christened we thought it would be a lovely gesture to have both my sil and my sister as godparents to which my mil said ' thats good as sil was very upset she wasn't asked to be bridesmaid!' which really played on my mind as I had never known it had upset her. Me and dh had a bit of a whirlwind romance and were married 2yrs after meeting so I really didn't know her that well as didn't think she would want to do it.

Anyway thisd is why I am asking whether I should be upset or not about the next thing... Bearing in mind I now see my sil once a week I always ask about the wedding and have even handmade 500 bows for the stationary for her. I asked about the hen night a coupleo f weeks ago and she said nothing had been planned. Anyway on sat sitting in my pil front room we were talking about the wedding and mil said she couldn't wait for sil hen night in Bournemouth. I said 'how lovely - when is it, should be nice' to which my mil retorted 'we didn't invite you because we knew wouldn't come! This has upset me firstly because I wasn't given the opportunity to decide fopr myself, and secondly it confirms my suspicions that mil and sil don't like me anymore.... I am asking as dh is up the pub with fil tonight and wants to say something because I stupidly cried about it but I said I would let him know shortly whether I want anything said.

Please help xchloebe

[PinkTulips]

They sound like a pair of bayatches.... stop investing so much of your time in them and i think you'd be better off!

[skidoodle]

Wagons the pair if them. It's sad, but just keep your distance as much as you can without damaging your dcs relationship with their family.

[Aranea]

I think your mil sounds very unpleasant. I think it was vile of her to tell you that she wished her daughter could be more like her. If she could be so disloyal to her own dd, I don't think you should be surprised to find her turning on you too.

It sounds as though you ought to have a direct conversation with your sil and cut your mil out of the loop.

[chloebe]

thats what part of me feels like doing pinktulips but I worry I am indirectlt punishing my dd's by doing so. I just feel really gutted because I ma constantly tryig to make them happy- do you think I should get my dh to say something- or is it in vain?

The last thing I want is some kind of pity parade though from them so I suppose I should probably keep my mouth shut as usual!

[Aranea]

sorry, more like you

[chloebe]

don't worry aranea knew what you meant just read through my post and suprised any of you understood my ramblings!

[chloebe]

I think I am going to get my dh to say something to his dad and when the pity parade begins I can say how much it upset me. If I have done something I just want to know, I know I am bringing my children up differently to how she probably did but I am only following WHO etc.