Hi, I really need some words of wisdom because my life doesn't seem to be where it should be right now, or at least I am not enjoying it as I was. I started off ok, went to uni and got a degree, met a sweet guy who I dated, started work, and now still with the same guy - we actually have a toddler together, and I am a young-ish and fun mum.
Despite any negative comments I write here, I am confident that I am bringing up DS in a loving home environment with plenty of stimulation and exciting outings plus visits to relatives.
My partner is a sweet man, unfortunately he is ill - and unemployed - and the health problems he has do not look like they are going away. I have been with him for a number of years now and whilst I still love him, I often look at him with pity and even loathing. His faults are more than clear to me.
I am studying and hope to be employed full time once more in the next year.
However I am finding London such a lonely place, the other local mums never seem to be that friendly or similar, so I spend a lot of time taking my DS to stay and plays and the park alone. I am finding myself going mad being with a guy who is 'ill' and who sleeps and ignores me for much of the time and then goes out drinking some weekends. It is a drag to be with the guy, always worrying about his health, his doctors appointments, his needs. If I want to go out on a night out, apart from the fact we cannot afford a babysitter he wants to take the car, which he asked me to buy for him because he has anxiety and has difficulty in walking outside, so I end up having a stressful time trying to drive us around London which is not my idea of fun. Recently I have become obsessed with the idea of having an affair, which I hate myself for. Obviously somehow this is supposed to make me feel more loved or validated because another man wants me. But I know I'm thinking of this because I don't have a good enough reason to actually break up with the father of my baby. He hasn't done anything wrong apart from natural grumpiness and frustration at his situation. Sometimes I try to explain to him that I wish I could go back 5 yrs to when we were just having fun but he hates that kind of talk.
Is it normal to feel like this when you are a SAHM or am I missing something? I can't seem to control my desire to have an affair at the moment, but I also wondered if this is linked to having just gone back on the pill a few days ago!!!
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Not that bad just feeling sad
19 replies
abitlonesome · 16/08/2009 23:34
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