Hello everyone!!
This is my first post on here, although I have been lurking for a little while. I'm hoping somebody might be able to give me some advice.
Here's my predicament: I have been married to a fantastic guy for almost 3 yrs now. Recently, we have both been feeling that it is time to start TTC. While I am feeling rather broody and I know I would love to be a mum, I find I have really mixed feelings about it....
I grew up with a physically abusive father and a mother who was/is quite needy and manipulative. It's a long story, but I now have hardly any relationship with my Dad and a somewhat strained one with my mum. I feel that I will spend the rest of my life dealing with the aftermath of my upbringing and I really fear that this will make me a "bad" parent. They say we turn into our parents after all. I have a slight problem with my temper, although I do manage to control it for the most part and I am relatively patient but I'm not confident that I would be able to keep my cool when faced with the pressures of parenting babies / toddlers / teenagers...! My DH on the other hand is calm, patient, gentle, understanding - all of the things you'd want in a father, so no worries there!
I live in a different country to my parents now and so don't see them very often, but when I do, all the old feelings come back and panic sets in. I would rather not have children than have them experience anything like what I did as a child. I have just spent a week visiting them with my DH and couldn't wait to leave
Of course there is also the issue of how much I want them to be involved in my children's lives...
I wonder if there is anyone out there who has had a similar experience. Maybe you could let me know how you manage to deal with it. I realise I am being a bit premature as we haven't even starting TTC yet, but I feel I should enter in to it with positivity and certainty. At the moment I feel unsure and afraid really...
I'd be grateful for any advice!
Thanks
Fs xxx
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How do I stop myself parenting as my parents did?
18 replies
Farmersue · 13/08/2009 22:01
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