Because I had a moment of hormonal weakness and searched for some of his usernames on a swinging website that I have asked him to leave before.
He joined again, 3 months ago, claiming to be single and looking to meet with women. Full profile completed, complete with pictures of his knob in all of it's glory. Pictures to women sent, with said pictures attached. Messages on the forum asking if anybody needs a lift to a swinging club that night.
After much screaming and crying I finally got out of him that he did it 'because he was bored and likes attention'. And that me or the baby never got a second thought when he was logging in/out/sending messages - it was just something he did and when he did it, nothing else was in his head, and when he had finished, he completely forgets about it so therefore didn't think to mention it to me. Also claims he was just looking for a friend on there who he originally met on this site, because he 'just likes to talk to her, it has never been sexual'.
This isn't the first time I've known him to be on these sites. I just fail to see how he honestly could not have thought about me and how much it hurt me the last time(s), when he was signing up with a different name again, and sending messages to local women. He claims he hasn't been back on the site since the night he made the new profile 3 months ago.
He swears on our babies life that he hasn't met anybody from these sites, but he has been to a swingers party where he just watched, not sure if he said that was before we were together, or when we had split for 6 months a couple of years ago due to similar problems.
He now says that he doesn't trust me at all because I checked up on him. And I obviously don't trust him (wonder why) because I checked up on him. He's packed his clothes, smashed his phone against the wall because somebody kept calling, and has now left. No way of getting hold of him, until he decides he wants to see his daughter and knocks on my door (he's taken his house keys off his set).
I feel so foolish. I have always known that he likes attention, but the extent he goes to just to get it is just unreal. He doesn't like porn, and so this is the next best thing as 'it's more exciting as you know the person is real'.
Is it my fault? Have I made it okay for him to do this by forgiving him so readily in the past? I helped him pack his clothes this time, and part of me wants it to be over because I can't keep on doing this to myself, or our daughter now. But I want it to not be over so bad. Our relationship has been amazing since our daughter arrived, both agreeing we felt so much closer. And now it's gone, and i'm sat here watching her sleep in her crib and feeling like i've let her down so badly.
What do I do? I know what people are going to say. Just hoping to soak in some strength from any words somebody may have.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
DP just walked out on me and our 2 week DD - very long, sorry.
SheWillBeLoved · 12/08/2009 15:46
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