I don't really know what I am expecting from posting on here tbh, I guess I just need to tell someone.
Ok, here it is, When I was 14 I started going out with this lad in my year and I ended up losing my virginity to him, i really liked him but tbh the reason I slept with him is because i felt as though i should, I know it's cliche but all my friends were doing it and i just wanted to fit, in, i was badly bullied and would have done anything to fit in.
Any way, My friends then decided he was a geek and so I dumped him and was quite nasty to him
But the truth is, he was really lovely and I loved him, I had so much going on at the time, we had just had a close family bereavement and I found it hard coping.
Over the years I have regretted so much the way I treated him, and missed him a lot too, always imagined him married with kids, because he was just that kind of respectful guy.
Recently I found out that one of my friends was still in contact with him, and so asked him to pass a message on, and a week later he had looked me up via a popular networking site and sent me an email.
But now I don't know what to feel, I have apologised and told him what i felt like, and he said that he knew deep down that I didn't mean it when i dumped him, I guess I kind of wish he had saved me from what was to come.
The problem is he has a gf, he lives with her but has said that he doesnt want to get married or have children or anything like that with her.
I know i should be backing off right now but I don't think I ever stopped loving or missing him, and him telling me when he went to bed that he cant wait to catch up anmf will be thinking of me has really stirred my heart up.
I just need some tough MN love please
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
First love back in contact
HeartbrokenOverStupidity · 30/07/2009 01:32
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